If you whisper to dogs, you must be very quiet
Sometimes people call us ‘dog whisperers’ because we know how to behave in a way that makes dogs intuitively engage with us with focus and respect. I appreciate the compliment and I also want to scream from the rooftops that anyone can enjoy this subtle relationship with their dog if they learn the guidelines.
My sweet dog Harley just turned ten in December. She has recently started putting herself to bed, choosing to leave my side on the couch and go to my bedroom before I do. If you have done a training session with me, you may notice that Harley sits with me on the couch and sleeps in my bed (only in the winter, as summers she prefers to be under my bed). As long as Harley is behaving and listening well, I don’t mind her having privileges! My guidelines for privileges is that my dog’s behavior be good in all other areas, so when I say ‘off’ without any hesitation or stickiness, she will oblige.
I love seeing this independence from Harley. She used to suffer from terrible separation anxiety before I started applying the methods I now teach my training clients. If you live with a Dachshund or another burrowing breed, you know that any lumpy blanket likely has a dog under it. When I got into bed the other night and she was all sleepy and snuggled, I was tempted to lift the blanket, give her a pet and tell her goodnight. This is a normal, and loving, human moment of desire. I witnessed the urge arise, but instead of acting on it, I imagined that experience from Harley’s perspective.
If I was exhausted and went to bed early, I would certainly notice if someone joined me,but if they lifted the covers, exposing my body to cold air, rubbed on me and spoke to me, ensuring that I was roused from my sleep, I would probably be a little upset. What may be loving in human gestures, can also be a little rude, especially for a creature who doesn’t live by human cultural norms of expressing or experiencing love.
I knew Harley would love a pet, squeeze and kind word when she woke up in the morning, so I resisted the urge to tell her goodnight with words and simply thought it in my mind. Our dogs invite us to a more subtle level of communication and sensation. That lesson isn’t wasted on me. People say ‘dog whisperer’ as a compliment, but the truth is that most of the time I feel dog psychic! I’m able to ‘talk’ to dogs by shifting my attention, my energy, my body language or my gaze. It is incredible how sensitive our dogs are once they are calm and focused. It’s also a calling for me to take advantage of the opportunity to practice communicating on that level.
To me, this is love. Even though I would have liked to show Harley affection and she probably wouldn’t have minded much, for me to refrain in that moment, because I knew it wouldn’t be the best thing for my sweet, sleeping pup, felt good. It was also a moment of awareness for me that even though I have been practicing tuning into my dog and seeing things from her perspective for 10 years, I still had to remind myself to control my human urges and put what I know into practice. My training suggestions are a big change for my clients - I went through the same journey myself and still practice every day! What keeps me going is the calm, happy, attentive state my dog gets to live in as a result. If that isn’t love, putting my dog’s happiness ahead of my momentary urges, then I don’t know what is.
