How to politely greet guests at the door
Comings and goings are exciting times for dogs. When a dog barks and runs up to the door, barges up to, or jumps on our guests, while smelling them and asking to be pet we usually say ‘oh, that’s just what dogs do!” In a sense, that is true. I call that the standard package. Unless you teach your dog otherwise, that is how they are inclined to behave in such a moment.
This behavior is so ubiquitous that people consider it the norm. We even think the dog is excited to see us personally and take it as a compliment. However, guests with children, with injuries, who are scared of dogs, who are not dog-people or who are dog trainers (ahem) will not look forward to coming to your home if they are bombarded in this way. Guests with dogs who don’t do this will judge you for not having training or controlling your dog and being oblivious to the problem. Some poeple will never come back. Honestly. People tell me stories about friends whose houses they refuse to go to because of an annoying dog.
Cassie waiting patiently for me to open the door from out of the entry way
It is possible for your dog to be excited, but still be polite. You can teach your dog how to do this by guiding them in the exciting moments, showing them what you want from them, and ensuring that becomes the norm through repetition and correction. This also provides a perfect opportunity to practice two important concepts ‘impulse inhibition’ and ‘down regulation.’ This means that your dog will be asked to exercise the muscle of self control in order to help them resist engaging in undesirable behaviors and be asked to go from a very excited state to a calm one. Practice makes perfect so if it’s hard or messy at first don’t give up.
Usually, when the doorbell rings, we are in such a rush to get to the door we don’t think about using this moment as a training opportunity. While you work on your dog’s door manners, I recommend that you put a sign on your door that says, “please give us a moment to answer, we are training our dog.” The more consistent you are, the less time it will take to establish a new norm for greetings.
When I hear the doorbell, I call out “one moment” and put my attention on my dog. When you start out teaching good door manners, you will need to have your dog on leash. Holding your dog’s collar means holding your dog back and preventing the behavior in that moment, but it doesn’t deter that undesirable behavior in the future or show your dog what you do want. Fussing at your dog when you haven’t explained what you are looking for isn’t a fair training approach. Read over these instructions so you will have a plan in place before someone comes over.
Print out this sign!
Tape it on your door and breathe a sigh of relief. Now you don’t need to rush to open the door before your dog is calm and under control.
Here is your step by step guide for when guests arrive
Ask for a heads up from guests: Talk about your training plan to get guests on board before they arrive. Ask them to let you know when they are on the way and then give you another call or text when they park. When your company is 5-10 minutes out, put the leash on and chill, as if you don’t know something is about to happen. Make sure your body language an energy is very ‘chill at home’ and not ‘guest prep.’ The house is clean enough, I promise. Putting the leash on after the doorbell rings or picking it up once your dog is already activated sets you up for failure, especially early in the training process first.
After you get the ‘we have arrived’ text, don’t let on to your dog that something is happening until the doorbell rings. We are trying to mimic life without the prep work so if you head to the door before someone knocks that is very ‘never going to happen again’ so it isn’t useful as a training strategy. Let’s be real, you are just trying to short cut the barking, you cheater you! I get it, but I also go you. Let’s fix it together.
Immediately take charge: Bring that boss energy!! Let your dog know that you have GOT THIS. Know what behaviors you want (dog quiet in a heel on leash behind you waiting to take cues) and what you don’t (barking, pulling, whining, excitement peeing, rushing to the door, running in circles).
Deter barking: Verbally or with touches on the leash, let your dog know they are not to bark at the sound of a knock or the doorbell. At first you may need to become bigger and louder than you’d like, moving in to their space and gesticulating, but it’s all an act, a strategy to shift your dog’s focus off the door and on to you, because damn, you looking ferocious. (Disclaimer: no ferocious actions need to be taken, this is performance art for the purpose of dog training.)
When your dog stops barking and brings their attention to you, take a deep breath as you shift back into your normal energy and body language. If they go back, you go back, but if they stay calm, then you can start navigating towards the door.
It’s also going to be good for you to try and differentiate if your dog is barking because they are excited or if they are protective. What this article describes is ‘spot correcting’ by just addressing this one training situation, but my training approach is successful because it’s holistic. If your dog is excited, you want to do lesson 5 of my eCourse on impulse inhibition. If they are protective, focus on lesson 2, which addresses the foundation of your relationship and how your dog sees you. Everyone will benefit from lesson 3 and 5! Both of these states are stressful for your dog and teaching them to be good for company doesn’t address the root cause.
Move slowly: Approach the door slowly, ideally in a heel with a loose leash, keeping yourself between your dog and the door. If your dog is pulling, turn and walk away from the door until they come willingly, then try again. If you are dragging your dog or if their focus is on the door, you aren’t ready to turn around and move towards it again. I don’t care if you need to walk circles around the couch or literally go into your backyard. They decide when it’s long or far enough, not you.
Once your dog is mentally with you, start moving towards the door again. At first this may take a while, but every time you stick with it and get your dog truly chill before moving forward, it will go faster and faster in the future.
Set a clear expectation: Don’t go on autopilot and get in a hurry when you are close to the door! Let your dog know to stop a few feet back from the door with a verbal cue like ‘stay’ or ‘wait’ and a little pulse on the leash like you are tapping the breaks. Don’t hold tension on the leash to keep your dog in place. That’s cheating.
If you don’t make it clear to your dog that you want them to stop, it is natural that they will keep following you all the way up to the door, so this is an important communication to give. You want your dog to stop far enough back so you can open the door, but don’t ask them to stop too far back so the leash doesn’t reach when you move forward to grab the handle. If you have a rug as a marker, that is great. Also consider some painter’s tape so you both have a visual marker of where your dog has to wait.
You also 100% need to practice this every time you go out a door and not just when company comes over because this is a terrible moment to introduce this skill. Luckily you all walk your dogs once to twice a day (right?) so you can get plenty of practice. Heck, practice every hour on the hour if you want! You’ll be surprised how quickly it will become normal.
Opening the door
With your dog locked in place, take a step forward towards the door, never letting your dog enter the space between you and the door
Fully expand your wingspan with one arm open back towards your dog and the other arm open to the door knob, ‘pulse’ on the leash and say ‘wait’ again since you know that hands on door knobs are exciting. Sometimes I’ll do a little test turn so the door makes the sound and see if that causes my dog to jump out of place. If so, back them up and start over. If not, continue.
Slowly open the door, closing it again if your dog barges forward. Once the door is open, wait a beat with no pressure on the leash, but keep it short enough to not give your dog room to get closer to your guest if they do get over excited and try to lunge.
After a beat (don’t try to beat the clock, but also don’t wait too long and over challenge your dog) walk into the house and ask your guest to let themselves in, close the door and follow you in to the living area or wherever you want to visit.
The start of your visit
The work isn’t done yet! The entry process is complete when your dog is calm, not when your guest comes inside. If you are reading this article, you know exactly what I mean.
If I wanted to open the door, I would ask these sweet pups to back up so I could address my company and keep them calm
Stand far enough away to where it’s physically impossible for your dog to jump on anyone given the length of the leash, which you will also be holding shorter than where the handle is, but not so short that there is tension. If there is any tension on the leash, you are physically holding your dog back. That is cheating and they aren’t learning. Correct, don’t restrict.
Ask your guest not to look at, talk to, or touch your dog until they are ready (ie till your dog doesn’t care anymore).
Have your guests sit far enough away to not over challenge your dog and you sit on the end of a couch or on a chair where your dog can lie on the floor near you, but not be on you. No dogs between couches and coffee tables and definitely 1000% not on the furniture.
Don’t ask your dog to do anything but stay in a space bubble you set that is close enough to not strain the leash, but not so close they are on you. You will see them sit, down, then fully relax on their own. Giving commands is a cheat - just ask them to not pull, bark, whine or climb on you. It doesn’t matter what position they are in.
When your dog finally fully regulates (sigh, fully down with flopped hips and head on the ground, relaxed muscles, falling asleep) then you can ask your guests if they would like to greet your dog. Have them put their hand down with their arm straight so the dog has no reason to enter their personal space. Let your dog smell their hand, but not get closer to them or flip their hand for more pets, and pull back if their energy and excitement escalates. After a quick scratch (10 seconds tops. Seriously.) call your dog back to you and ask them to stay in the bubble again.
Once back in their spot will regulate faster now that they know their job and you can try dropping the leash. If they immediately perk up and head for the guests, no big deal! Grab the leash again and keep them on the rest of the visit or try again later.
If your dog is really struggling, stand up to have a more ‘in charge’ body position, walk back and forth or practice commands to give your dog a task, get their bed to put by your chair as a cue that you want them to relax in that spot, grab a toy to give them an outlet for their excited energy (not to play with, nothing squeaky), walk out of the room and back, take them to potty and come back, crate them if you really have to and take them out again once they have time to relax (this will not be a good plan if your dog is in the crate whining, barking and freaking out.)
If a mistake happens along the way, that is no problem! Learning happens over time and mistakes are great opportunities for reminders and clear communication. Learning what ‘calm’ looks like is a process and you won’t get it right away. After 15 years I still get it wrong sometimes! Our eCourse covers how to lay the foundation for a calm dog that you can communicate with. You will find life will be so much easier when your dog can calmly greet guests, and I guarantee your company will be impressed as well.