Dog Holiday Prep Guide

Preparing our dogs for what they will experience between mid November and after New Years is often not what people think of when it comes to the holidays. WE know that this is the season for large gatherings, family visits, vacations and special meals, but our dogs have no clue that anything is changing aside from the weather. On top of our normal routine we now have gift shopping, house decorating and travel packing so sometimes our dogs get shorted the outdoor time that we had time and sunlight for since the end of last winter, making the holiday changes even harder for them.

This article will help you to put yourself in your dog’s shoes so you can understand their needs. Plan on devoting some of your awareness and a bit of time and effort to dog prep so you can ensure their holiday is merry and bright.

Some of us will be staying home and maybe popping out for a meal, which requires little dog prep aside from making sure they are nice and tired before you leave and keeping your outing to six hours tops.

For those who are:

• Hosting a gathering or housing out of towners

• Traveling with their dog

• Leaving their dog with someone they know or at a facility

I wanted to offer my expert insight.

As I started writing this guide I realized that no matter the situation, the core pillars of my advice was the same.

How cool is that?

I divided this article by topic for a reason: because I don’t want you to just skim to the scenario you are doing this year. I would love for dog owners to read the entire article and develop a complete understanding of how each training tool applies to each dog scenario. Chances are you will be in each of these situations someday, and possibly around another dog in all of these situations next week. I’d like you to be able to advocate not just for your own dog, but to be a good steward for all dogs, perhaps by sharing some of these tips with the dog owners you meet.

Let’s break it down:

EXERCISE IS ALWAYS KEY

As the old adage says, a tired dog is a good dog. Exhausting your dog isn’t a complete training solution, but I will tell you that I ask every dog owner I talk to on the phone how much exercise their dog gets and 80% of them aren’t getting enough. If we aren’t giving these natural athletes a healthy and appropriate outlet for their energy it’s harder for them to be calm, sit still, thoughtfully engage with their environment and exercise self control.

Most dogs would thrive on a minimum of 30-120 minutes of exercise once or twice a day. Yup. Depending on age, breed and fitness some dogs need upwards of 4 hours of exercise a day so choose your pup carefully.

Exercise is a stellar first line of defense when it comes to changes in routine like big events, new environments, or longer than normal stays at home alone (just be sure to monitor your dog’s post activity water intake and time your outing, their drinking, your departure time and how likely their bladder is to be empty). If walks are tough then put my eCourse on your holiday wish list!

🎉 Are you hosting this holiday? 

Your dog will probably be excited that new people are staying with you or coming over, which is totally understandable. The best best best thing you can do for your dog is exercise!! A tired dog will still be excited, but more likely to express it as a happy wag than non-stop jumping or zoomies around they room. They will settle faster and be more likely to be in a mindset where they can hear your instructions and complete your commands. Go on a double long walk before guests arrive while you are frantically cleaning or cooking? YUP!

• Lay out some warm clothes the night before so you can get up for sunrise and squeeze in that longer walk

• Add a backpack with a water bottle or soup can on each side so you can get a little more muscle engagement for each step

• Drive to a hiking trail to add some uneven terrain to the mix

Remember: A mentally engaged walk will be just as tiring (if not more) than letting your dog run wild! As for sections of “heel” between sniff breaks, add in “weird walking” and changes of pace, throw in a few tricks or commands every now and then and ask them to “wait” right next to you instead of diving to sniff. This will all help tired your dog out and get them in that mentally engaged mindset that we need to receive company calmly.

Simply too busy? I get that. Know thyself and start calling around now to your regular dog walker, neighbor friends, friends with dogs of their own or who are fans of your dog and find someone to help you out! Know that dog trainers and anyone who boards will likely be busy, but if you are a current/past client (shout out to dog owners who build a relationship with a trainer!) they may be able to help you out. Yes, it feels weird to ask someone to work on a holiday, but some of us don’t have family around, don’t celebrate for whatever reason and would be HAPPY for the chance to earn some extra cash. I’m a huge fan of local Buy Nothing groups and there may be someone in your ‘hood who loves dogs and could use some fresh air who can take yours out for an hour.

✈️ Are you traveling by car or plane? 

I start exercising any dog that is going to fly two days before the trip and make it a priority to get them out for double the amount of time I usually do at minimum. Is this a bit of an inconvenience? Yup! Is my dog’s comfort a priority? Also yes, so I’m happy to do it. Take breaks every 2-4 hours when driving, ideally at a park or trail so your dog can eliminate and stretch their legs. Be careful letting them drink as much water as they like because they are going to have to hold it again! This is another reason I don’t let dogs “run wild” to “get their energy out” at pit stops. 

When you land in a new place getting your dog out should be the first thing you do. (Pro tip: I make peeing a prerequisite to any new door opening when I’m taking my dog places. Only dogs with empty bladders get to enter new houses!) Your dog doesn’t know that you are excited to visit with whoever you came to see or tired from the journey. Drop your bags, tell mom to put on her shoes and catch up on a walk before you settle in for human time. If it’s dark when you arrive then make sure you have a reflective leash and vest for you and/or your dog or get an LED leash for night walks. This gear is readily available and removes the “it’s too dark” excuse. We gotta do right by our dogs and get our butts out there with them!

Make sure that your dog gets an extra special outing before any group gatherings. Being in a new place is exciting enough, but going somewhere new with a lot of people and other pets or being in a semi-new environment that becomes suddenly full one day will never not be exciting. Get them out for a good walk in the morning. Take them into the yard (go with them!) for potty and play breaks. Grab your favorite person and ask them to join you to dip out on a walk or hike for some 1-1 time. Check the meal timing with your host and plan your dog outing accordingly. Meeting your dog’s needs is one of the most important things you can do everyday, but especially on a holiday.

🏡 Boarding your dog or leaving them with a friend?

Your border -professional or not- will thank you for having a tired dog dropped off. Just because you are paying them doesn’t mean you can shirk dog care for that day. I always talked to clients and made sure they could drop their dog before my midday outing. Otherwise they knew they needed to get a walk in before dropping off. A dog whose exercise needs have been even moderately met is more likely to engage with a new environment and the humans or animals in it in a more thoughtful and less explosively excited way. You only have one chance to make a first impression and you can set your dog up for a crappy stay if they come in crazy. Owners are always say saying goodbye, even a temporary one, and a walk together on the day you are separating is really the best way to bond and share the present moment. (be sure to check out my article on proper “goodbye” etiquette before you drop your dog!)

Let your sitter know how much exercise your dog usually gets a day and BE HONEST! I have had so many owners lie up and tell me their aspirational level of activity instead of how much they really walk their dog. I figure out pretty quickly they fibbed when the dog is exhausted mid-outing, sore and losing weight, which is super unfair to both sitter and dog. Be honest about your normal routine of what kind of activity you do for how long and usually at what times of day. Give an honest range and let them know the minimum they can get away with before they can expect behavior problems. Even I get pretty annoying when I’m sitting around more than I’m used to! 

EVERY DOG SHOULD BE COMFORTABLE IN THE CRATE

This isn’t just one of those “dog trainer” things for no reason. The crate should be a comfortable and safe place for your dog because it’s almost inevitable that they will be in one at some point in their life whether you think it’s necessary or not. Let me explain why the crate is key this holiday season (and here is a guide to how to get them acclimated, which you should start ASAP)

If you don’t regularly use the crate you can’t just shove them in out of the blue. Start now and crate this week at bedtime, for midday naps and when you go out. Make the crate a “special treat” place and give them a bully stick or marrow bone or frozen kong that they can only have in the crate. Feed meals in there so it’s not just the room they get closed in. Drag the crate around the house and have them chill in the crate in your office while you work or in the living room while you watch tv at night.

🎉 Are you hosting this holiday?

You want to enjoy your day on top of the responsibilities of preparing the food, cleaning the house, getting your table instaworthy and making sure uncle Joe doesn’t drink too much or talk about politics. You already devoted an hour or two to getting your dog out and now people are starting to arrive, but there isn’t a spare adult who can be trusted to keep them on leash and ensure they are calm and polite to each new arrival. That makes the crate is the perfect place for them to be!!

Make sure the crate is in a quiet room that no one will go into. Print out a “Do not enter” sign for the door. Consider getting a white noise machine or setting up an old phone or your computer to jam those sweet white noise tunes for them. Consider purchasing a DAP adapter to bring those chill pheramones into the room. If your dog is tired they should have no problem taking a nap away from the hustle and bustle, especially if you disable your doorbell or hang a “come on in” sign on the front door.

Once you are on top of your party prep and ‘to do’s’ you can bring your dog out on leash for a quick potty break and some visiting, but consider putting them away again before the meal begins. Keep reading the rest of this article for more on that!

✈️ Are you traveling?

While I don’t crate in the car, many owners choose to and it can be a safe and relaxing space for a dog to ride (as long as the bedding you choose doesn’t make them too hot!). Any dog on a plane will need to be well acclimated to a crate or carrier and it’s not too late to start! I got Arrow the beach dog comfortable in a crate in less than two weeks and you can see how in my course Two Weeks To Trained. 

I always traveled with a crate for Harley because of her separation anxiety. It gave me huge peace of mind to know that she was somewhere familiar no matter where we went - her crate! The crate also kept her safe from getting into anything that could choke her, make her bleed, poison her or fall on her. It was a relief to know the house was safe from any potential chewing, clawing, peeing or pooing. Personally I would never leave a dog free in a house they weren’t acclimated to, which means 3-4 days of being with them 24/7. It’s much easier to bring home with you and travel with a fold up wire crate. 

Flying or don’t have room in the car? I got you! You can buy one wherever you go because they are almost always readily available and super cheap used on Craigslist or FB Marketplace. All it takes is a rag, some bleach water or all purpose cleaner and a few carabiners to double lock the latches for you to be crate ready! I also buy a sheet (not blanket!) to cover the crate and a few towels (not fuzzy blankets!) for bedding at Goodwill. You can be set up for dog safety for as little as $30.

I highly recommend against leaving your dog alone somewhere new without crating them. It’s just not worth the risk to their health and safety or a huge ass bill for damages the crate would have prevented.

🏡 Boarding your dog or leaving them with a friend?

I boarded dogs in my home and any dog who wasn’t crate trained was automatically a “board and train” and would cost 60% more per night. To be in a new environment AND be getting crate trained was stressful for everyone involved and eventually I stopped working with any dogs who hadn’t done training with me.

If you are leaving your dog at a facility they will likely be in a crate or kennel and not being conditioned to those containers will create a lot of added and unnecessary stress.

If you are boarding “in home” with someone who takes multiple dogs be VERY wary if they say they don’t crate as a selling point. That means that overnight or if they leave a group of dogs who don’t know each other are loose and unattended, which, worse case scenario, can result in a death or trip to the emergency vet.

If you are leaving a dog with a friend who doesn’t have dogs, their house may not be dog proof, meaning that when they are out or sleeping your dog can get into something they shouldn’t. Their window set up may be different and your dog could claw at blinds to get a better view of a passer-by out front or squirrel out back. They could have food where they thought it was out of reach, but your dog decides they want to try jumping on a counter for the first time. Maybe their door doesn’t latch the same and your dog figures out how to paw the handle and gets out. Why worry about the “what ifs” when you can just send your pup with their crate from home and enjoy your trip?

If your friend does have a dog, even one who your dog knows well, two dogs is different than one and the unexpected should be considered. A fight could break out over food if the new dog decides a trash can looks tippable. The dogs could egg each other on and have a BLAST dissecting a couch or chair. The host dog could get possessive over a toy or water bowl or bone that got buried or forgotten under a couch. A dog doesn’t need a history of these behaviors - it only takes one time for it to happen for the first time. You can ask that your dog be crated in a room with a closed door when no one is home. Let them know ahead of time and set up the crate yourself so it’s no hassle to them. They also may not have considered these potential dangers. After having watched HUNDREDS of dogs in my home I’ve seen it all so please heed my ‘worst case scenario’ warnings and just crate for dog’s sake!

LEASHES WORK INDOORS, TOO

Are you unsure how your dog is going to respond? Worried they will be nervous or over excited? The leash is one of the most underutilized tools because people think of it only being used for outside. Keep that baby on! At least until your dog is super chill and you feel confident about their being comfortable and making good choices.

I keep dogs on leash until they are dead calm and totally used to the environment. You may have your dog on leash next to you all night. You may decide to crate them instead of letting them free. You may let them off and put them back on again. You could leash them for the meal and make sure you sit on the corner seat so they can sit next to you. Maybe you tether them to a heavy piece of furniture at least 15’ from the table (just make sure you can stop them from barking or whining!). You might grab the leash when the kids start playing or if they can’t help themselves from getting underfoot during the post-meal football scrimmage. 

If your dog is nervous, leash them.

Too excited? Leash.

Not listening? On the leash!

🎉 Are you hosting this holiday? 

80% of your guests don’t want to be jumped on or listen to you yell at your dog in the first .02 seconds they are in your home and the other 20% are silly. Jumping isn’t a compliment and while your sister may love it, your toddler nephew, injured aunt or elderly neighbor can be hurt or traumatized and have their day ruined. Read my article on greeting guests and schedule a ‘dog training cocktail party’ this weekend. All you have to do is buy two bottles of wine, leash your well exercised dog and follow the instructions in the article. 

Even if you just use the leash day of you can help your dog learn that they can greet guests only when all four feet are on the ground and they aren’t barking or frantically pulling towards them. If they can’t figure that out, call me the Monday after Thanksgiving! There is a simple fix.

✈️ Are you traveling?

Make sure your tired and pottied dog stays on the leash when you enter someone’s house. The same way you shouldn’t run from room to room inspecting your host’s possessions that is TOTALLY unnecessary for your dog to do, too. Have your dog sit next to you when you come in and ask people not to greet them until they are calm. Take them on leash into the backyard to sniff around before letting them off, especially if you have a boy dog and your host has outdoor furniture. 

If your host has a dog, introduce them by going for a short walk together instead of in the doorway, living room or backyard. Dog Dating: How to Pick the Right Playmate If they have a cat, keep your dog on leash the whole time. Whether or not they are ‘cat friendly’ a new cat can not translate as a friend and no one wants to have a cat funeral this holiday.

Leashing your dog isn’t cruel. After all, you already read the beginning of this article and your dog is going to be dead tired. It can be really loving to keep them on leash and let them know where and how to be. Then they get to rest next to you knowing that if you move they will feel the leash jingle and wake up. Truly!! Your dog will rest easier on leash. 

🏡 Boarding your dog or leaving them with a friend?

Don’t let them bomb into a new house and frantically smell all the smells. Let the new environment play second fiddle to the clear guidance you are giving them to sit, stay close, but not too close and wait next to you without pulling on leash. A calm introduction into a new place will set everyone there up for success. You want to pass the leash off to the new handler, not make them chase your dog down the moment you close the door.

FOOD CAN CAUSE FIGHTS

For real, food is one of the biggest danger zones for dogs. Not only does it totally change the dog dynamic and cause fights, it can lead to dogs jumping on or nipping at kids, choking on bones, pushing a chocolate cake off the counter then eating it along with the shards of broken glass from the pan it was in so you need to spend the rest of your day force feeding your dog cotton balls covered in peanut butter and looking for signs of intestinal punctures or poisoning. Yup, that’s a true story (and luckily not mine!).

No matter your holiday plans, it’s good practice everyday of the year to:

• Never feed a dog off your plate or while you are eating

• Ask your dog to stay “out” of your personal space and not bark, whine or stare into your soul so deeply they can see every meal your past lives have had while you eat

• Teach the “place” or “go to your bed” command so you can send them away if they are annoying you

• Be able to separate dogs who seem to be competing for closeness to that precious resource

• Have a “no dogs under the chair or table” rule, especially if there are more than one of them

Don’t forget that eating food outside of their regular diet because it’s a special occasion can cause some especially gross poos and a festive trip to the emergency vet, which will be busy because not everyone will have read this article and costs exponentially more than a regular vet if you haven’t been. 

Foods that are fatty (like the turkey skin you pushed to the edge of your plate) salty (like, well, everything) or sweet (everything else) can be dangerous for your dog. Cooked bones can splinter and puncture a dog’s intestines or choke them. Bread, nuts, nutmeg, alcohol, garlic, onion and dairy are all no-no’s. If you’d like to BYO can of pumpkin or green beans or peas to add something special to your dog’s food then go for it! Once it has oil, butter or salt on it, it’s a no go.

🎉 Are you hosting this holiday?

Your tired dog who isn’t on leash or crated should be able to respond to the “out” command from the kitchen, serving area, dining table or lap of person eating a cheese cracker on the couch instantly. If they can’t, then they need to be on leash or crated. Think how much more you will enjoy your meal and guests if you aren’t worried about where your dog is or what they are doing?

Remember that dog training is handler specific so even though your dog doesn’t jump on you or beg you for food, the same won’t be true of a child or your guest who already gave them excessive attention. 

Also remember that humans are harder to train and even though you ask them not to feed your dog, they don’t see the harm in sneaking them a few bites of food. Crating your dog or having them on leash next to you ensures a merry meal for all!

✈️ Are you traveling? 

As a good house guests you may choose to leave your dog crated where you are staying or in a quiet room. Since they are exhausted they won’t mind and won’t know what they are missing. If you really want your dog with you and don’t think they’d mind the crowds, be mindful of the space, other animals and be very realistic about their food manners. You may think it’s cute when they slither up the couch to steal the kernel of popcorn from your fingers but if you don’t know the guestlist where you are going chances are someone there won’t find their bite stealing as charming.

If you are visiting a home with another dog, ask their owner to make sure that all food bowls, treats, bone and special toys are picked up and put away before you get there. My dog would ignore a bully stick for weeks then run to it the moment another dog came over to get it before they could and trot off with it or happily start munching it in front of them, tauntingly till I took it away and put it on top of the fridge (a super spot for dog safety). All it takes is ONE first time incident for a dog to be a resource guarder so I have learned it’s better to have no resources to be guarded.

🏡 Boarding your dog or leaving them with a friend?

Ask that your friend not feed them human food and if there is more than one dog present then send them this article. When I would eat with a house full of dogs I would make sure they were all 5-10’ from me and a few feet apart from each other. I never left anything on a coffee table if I was leaving the room and I never let any of them think they had any sort of seniority when it came to special resources. I would feed dogs one at a time in the kitchen or put bowls down in crates or in separate rooms and watch them while they ate, then pick up all the bowls immediately.

Your friend may be used to their dog never inspecting human plates on the coffee table, but having a second dog present can change things quickly. It’s best for us humans to make sure we are practicing good food manners as we ask dogs to practice them, too.

THE BEST OWNERS HAVE BOUNDARIES

I think part of the reason so many of us struggle with dogs is that we are uncomfortable being clear. We don’t want to tell someone when their dog is making us or our dog uncomfortable. We don’t want to be seen as fussy when we give a stranger or friend, guest or family member instructions on our training protocol. On top of that, people don’t take well to receiving instruction and are likely to snap or ignore us, which brings up a secondary conversation about respecting boundaries.

I say LEAN IN. Relationships need to be based on honesty - us being honest about who we are, how we feel and what we want. If someone thinks you are fussy for asking for things to be a certain way with your dog, text them a link to this article or learn to shrug it off. You have an obligation to advocate for your dog. That may mean not bringing them to a certain place, around a certain person, or deciding when it’s time to put them up.

If you can ask people to help you with some (reasonable) training tasks in your effort to create the best dog possible, most will be willing to, but know your audience and come up with some elegant excuses.

I find the most important thing in sharing feedback is to be non-emotional and matter of fact. No one is psychic and knows what you want them to do or not do! Don’t assume anyone knows anything about dogs or your training protocol and is doing something intentionally to undermine you. I like to share tips or requests, cleanly and clearly. 

“Oh hey, could you…”

“Actually I’m training my dog to…”

Or a favorite “My trainer insisted….” Throw me on under that bus, folks. I don’t mind!

The first step of having boundaries is being VERY clear on what’s important to you. What is your ideal situation? Play it out step by step. The more clearly you can visualize it and the more details you can think through the better. What are your “hell no’s”? Those are important to know, too! If it’s not a yes or a no then it’s in the gray area and can easily move into the yes or no pile depending how things are going.

I may request that company not to pet, talk to or stare at my dog when they first come in if they dog is jumping or excited. I definitely don’t want anyone feeding the dog, especially if there is more than one around. I may put a sign on the door that says to come in without ringing the bell or knocking. A  “Do not enter” sign on the guestroom or laundry room helps prevent guests from disturbing your sleeping pup. You can ask your niece not to wrestle with your dog and ask your company with kids not to let the kids pet or play with the dog unless you are there watching.

For me, my “hell no’s” are jumping, whining, barking, pawing, zooming, knocking into people, furniture, not stopping what they are doing when asked, playing inside and taking what isn’t theirs. Again, having a tired dog on leash or in the crate is an easy win, but if you want to get jiggy with it and let your dog free, at least have a clear vision you can use to draw lines for your dog, the space, and the humans around you.

🎉 Are you hosting this holiday? 

Don’t be afraid to put a note in the invitation/reminder email, a sign on the door or give guests a few instructions depending on what your dog needs, what will be most difficult for them, or what you are working on in your training. We can’t ask toooo much of our company, but we can ask a bit, particularly if something guests typically do typically goes badly for your dog.

Aside from general guidelines you may share to prevent issues, boundaries may also need to be expressed verbally and in the moment. Think about requests you have had to make in the past and practice some scripts in your imagination or with someone who won’t tease you about it.

“Turkey is relaxing on his bed right now. Let’s let him rest and you can play with him later when he gets up.”

“Sweet Potato is getting a little too excited. Let’s take a break from rough housing for a while. I don’t want her to keep playing and have something accidentally go wrong.”

“I think Gravy needs a break from the festivities. I’m going to put her in her crate for a nap.”

“Pumpkin seems a little restless, who wants to take a walk with us?”

“I’m not sure Stuffing is enjoying this type of play. Can you call Green Bean over to you so I can put her away for a little while?”

“Dumbstick wasn’t listening so he is going to sit next to me on the leash for a little while. You can pet him later though!”

✈️ Are you traveling?

Even if you are a guest in someone’s house you still have the right to ask them to engage with your dog in a way that prioritizes the dog’s comfort, reinforces a calm and cooperative mentality and doesn’t undermine your training. However, know your audience! If your parents won’t listen and even after a direct conversation are constantly undermining your dog-boundaries then consider staying somewhere else or leaving your dog at home.

If there are too many unknowns, leave your tired dog in a crate. If you bring them out of the crate, enlist the help of others before you do so. “I’m going to see if I can get Yam out to join us for a bit. Would y’all mind just not trying to greet her until she is calm? It might take her a minute so I’ll let you know a good time to say hi. Thank you for helping me!”

If you and your dog are a guest in someone’s home it’s great to have a quick chat about their preferences and boundaries before you arrive. Do they prefer to have no dogs on the furniture? That is something you should start practicing asap. Are they going to be sensitive to dog hair? Bring your grooming gloves and use them every day starting the week before you leave. Where do they want poo bags to go? Are they okay with your dog sleeping in the bed? Do they have room for a crate? Do a quick check in when you make the plans so you can be sure that you are on the same page and bringing your dog will be festive for everyone

🏡 Boarding your dog or leaving them with a friend?

Especially if the dog care is free, we can only ask so much. As long as your dog is safe and in good company we can be glad they are having a good time and pick up training when we get home. If you are paying a professional then you can raise your expectations slightly, but there are plenty of people in the dog care industry who you will know more about dogs than after just having read this article. 

Think about what is most important for your dog’s safety. Do they dart out of open doors? (You should really work on that after this trip!) Can they open gates or have they dug under a fence? Are they safe off leash? Is it maybe safer to just send a long line and ask the sitter to keep them on leash for this week? Have they ever been possessive over a toy or bone or their food bowl? Let your sitter know to keep all of those picked up if there is more than one dog around.

A sitter doesn’t need to follow all of your good training protocol and giving them a full download of the eCourse at drop off will likely overwhelm them. It will be amazing how fast you can get it back when you come home! Pick what is most important for their safety and maybe one or two good training boundaries. If you use a tool like the eCollar or Slip Lead then consider having a few pre-board training walks together to get them used to it or throwing on a harness they can’t slip out of to protect your dog’s neck from unskilled hands who haven’t developed the kind of sensitivity to pressure that yours have and that the slip lead requires.

Remember that the holidays are not an ideal time to sign your dog up for Board and Train because it’s highly likely your trainer will have other clients’ dogs boarding when they travel. If you are signing up for training during this time, be sure that your trainer knows your top 3 complaints or goals so they can focus on troubleshooting that for you and getting in the reps.

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY, DOG EXPERT!

I hope this article has not only given you some game changing tools for this holiday season, but a deeper understanding of how dogs think and how we can be good owners and advocates for them.

Tire them out.

Let them miss the party.

Keep them on leash.

Be careful around food, it changes the game.

Tell people what you need and know when to call it.

Remember, your dog doesn’t know what a holiday is and they won’t be sad to miss the party if attending could lead to someone, anyone, having a not so good time because of it. I always vote for a good, long hike in the morning then a nice nappy nap. Plus if uncle Joe does get into politics, your dog waiting for you at home is the perfect excuse to bail!

Why 'how do I get my dog to stop barking?' isn't the right question

The number one challenge for dog owners is knowing what their problem is!

After 10 years of owning my business I can tell you that when people call me for help with their dog, they are calling because their dog is doing something that annoys, frustrates, scares or confuses them enough to go through the trouble of reaching out for help and be willing to invest both their energy and money in professional guidance.

The behavior in question is what they see as their problem, but really that behavior is the most obvious or annoying expression of what their dog’s problem actually is, which usually boils down to how our dog’s feel about us.

How do I know?

This was definitely true for me and I even studied dog training before I got a dog. After getting bitten by a dog in 2011, my miniature Dachshund Harley developed fear based reactivity. She was so afraid of another dog hurting her that, in an effort to appear formidable to prevent another attack, she was causing other dogs to respond to her in the exact way she didn’t want them to.

“A behavior that arises from trauma creates the exact outcome it was designed to avoid.”

This is true for us humans, too. Harley’s fear was coloring her life. She felt it every time a dog approached her and in that activated mindset she couldn’t be present and properly evaluate the dog she was greeting. Every dog was the dog that bit her.

Every greeting was her chance to go back into the past and change the outcome.

Every time she tried to do that, the thing she was afraid of happened again.

I knew this behavior was a HUGE problem, especially when I was apprenticing under another trainer and working with her client’s dogs, but I was frozen.

I didn’t know how to fix it and…

• It was going to be a huge undertaking.

• I didn’t really want things to change in other areas of her life.

• I didn’t understand what her problem really was…

I thought the problem was greetings or other dogs because that is where the action was, but I discovered the root of her problem was how she felt about me.

Even though I studied dog training with two other trainers right before and after I got Harley, I read books, I watched dog training TV shows and I spent a ton of time around dogs, no one talked to me about how dogs saw the world or what they really needed from their owners in order to feel safe in the world. Despite my efforts to educate myself I was just like every other owner, seeing and relating to my dog the way movies and pop culture shows. I had no idea that there was another relationship happening between us in dog language, a relationship in which I, the best dog owner in the world, was fully and completely letting my dog down.

Let’s Talk About Barking

Barking is a common complaint so it’s the example I use most often.

“My dog bark at other dogs on the walk or while playing”

“My dog barks at every little sound at home”

“My dog won’t stop barking when people come over”

Barking dogs have become very common, but that behavior, when compulsive, isn’t normal. Barking isn’t a dog’s way of “talking.” They talk with their energy body language and behavior. Barking is a stress response more than a method of communication.

I notice that the question is usually “how do I get my dog to stop barking?” because barking is the annoying behavior, but very few owners ask “why is my dog barking?” which is the more interesting question for me. Let’s compare barking to having a persistent or reoccurring rash. “How do I get my dog to stop” is like asking what kind of bandaid to put on the rash when we need to find out what is causing it!

Dogs usually bark for two reasons. Either they are excited and can’t manage the intensity of that mental state so the energy comes out of their mouth as a bark or they feel unsafe and are alarm barking, trying to use their bark to alert to the presence of a threat as a deterrent so the threat goes away.

Let’s break down both of those reasons to find the cause.

Excitement

Dogs commonly bark during exciting moments, like:

• when there is a knock on the door and they know someone is about to come in

• when you come home

• when they want something

• when they are about to get something they want

• when they are playing… to name a few

Let’s compare barking out of excitement to us yelling in exciting moments. It’s appropriate at a sports game or during a round of applause. Maybe a shriek or squeal will come out of our mouths if something very good happens, especially if it’s a surprise. As adults we know when it’s appropriate to yell and we are able to stop when that moment passes or if someone indicates to us that we need to. If we were to keep yelling at that point there would be social consequences ranging from dirty looks to someone pulling you aside and escalating right up to you getting committed or arrested.

I’m not saying ALL BARKING IS BAD or DOGS SHOULD NEVER BARK. Barking is a natural response and can be appropriate. My dog barked her whole life, especially if the door bell rang, and that was totally okay and normal. My rule for barking is that a dog has to stop when I ask them to - which my dog did. For most dog owners, that is not possible at all or not reliable across situations and stimulations.

So, your dog is barking out of excitement and can’t stop when you give a verbal command, a leash cue, or even when you approach them menacingly demanding the behavior stop immediately.

Why?

Regulation

Most of our dogs struggle to regulate from an excited energy to a calm one. This is because we love their excitement and are more likely to exacerbate it then to try to mitigate, contain, or disincentivize it. We see a dog’s excitement as an expression of joy and a signal that we have done something very right as a dog owner. This is a loving moment for us, a joy of dog ownership, perhaps even an expression of our subconscious wish fulfillment to be as full of joy and free in it’s expression. We love a dog’s excitement… right up until we hate it.

Most dog owners will only ask a dog to calm down when their behavior becomes problematic. This is the equivalent of putting out a fire over and over when really we need to be working to prevent fires or make sure they only happen in the fireplace and can be easily extinguished whenever needed.

Because we don’t regularly ask a dog to calm down, especially in the everyday, usually at home, happy loving moments where we don’t need them to, our dog’s literally don’t know how to! The number one cause of dog problems today is the inability to regulate their energy or mentality. They don’t know how to go from an excited state to a calm one because we haven’t shown them the way in the quiet moments where long term learning is actually possible. I cover this in lesson 4 of my eCourse and touch on some of the concepts in my article on the “wait” command.

Basic needs

If a dog knows how to regulate, but can’t they may not be getting enough exercise or mental stimulation. Like kids who are asked to sit in class all day long with no gym, recess, lunch or art class, our dogs, who spend 90% of their day home alone or passively interacting with us, our dogs may be drunk on energy. They know what we are asking. They theoretically can do it, but they can’t control themselves in that moment because they have more energy than self control. If we don’t move our dog’s energy in ways we want it to move, it will move in ways we don’t like, like barking, chewing, digging, pulling and zooming around the house. To many of you that may seem like a list of dog behaviors, but if a dog’s needs are being met they won’t do any of those behaviors at home, and certainly not to excess. Each dog needs X amount of exercise each day in order to be a good companion. Experiment with different amounts of time, activities and intensity levels to find out what X is for your dog and make sure to get them out for X + 5 every single day.

Obedience

Body language of a calm dog

I actually don’t use this word very often in my training because I don’t want a subservient, submissive slave that bends to my will or whim. I think more about having a great teammate who trusts me and listens to me because they know that I love them and want them to have an amazing life. In order to get there your dog has to know that their life will become increasingly “unfun” anytime they ignore you - not just when it really matters. In order to have a dog that listens to us we need to know how to communicate clearly (lesson 3 in my eCourse) and how to BE someone our dogs are naturally inclined to listen to (lessons 2 and 5). Building the integrity we need to have dogs that listen to us means giving clear commands and setting small boundaries often at home, where we are in control of a familiar environment with few distractions. Your dog can’t listen to you when there is something going on if they can’t listen to you when there isn’t.

You vs the world

It’s AMAZING if your dog listens to you 99% of the time at home, but that doesn’t help if they blow you off the moment you leave the house. Many of us move too far, too fast with our dogs, taking them out to do the things that '“dogs can do” without first taking the time to build the kind of mindset that dogs who can do it (well) have!

In order to save my dog’s life I need to know that I can give a command at any moment and my dog will listen OR that I know exactly what to do to get them to listen if they don’t. Most owners allow all the fun stuff without worrying about the listening part because it takes time and effort to achieve. Owners often cheat by only letting their dog off leash in fenced areas where it “doesn’t matter” if the dog doesn’t have recall without realizing that every single time they call their dog and there is no consequence for ignoring the command they are cementing a dangerous behavioral norm and relationship dynamic that could truly bite them in the ass one day.

The bar is also devastatingly low. It feels like it’s almost more common to see a dog ignoring their owner’s “come” command than listening to it. If your dog doesn’t listen to your command, that is a sign that you are somewhere you don’t belong and it’s time to immediately change the situation (go on leash if off, leave the park, lower the distractions on a walk by staying closer to home, or working in the yard or house instead of outside). There is no shame in going backwards in your training trajectory!! The truly problematic choice would be staying where your dog is telling you you don’t belong.

How does your dog feel about you?

Let’s find out after we talk through alarm barking.

Alarm

Alarm barking is a normal behavior for dogs and a natural way for them to both signal others that there is a potential threat as well as to deter the threat by showing that someone is present and paying attention. Any “natural” behavior when done to excess in frequency or duration becomes “unnatural” and barking is a perfect example of this.

Reaction vs Reactive

While it’s normal for your dog to have a reaction to certain sounds or stimuli, reactions are appropriate in their timing and duration. If a dog is having a reaction, they can usually be redirected relatively easily. The behavior becomes “reactive” when it happens often, inappropriately, and the dog quickly becomes so stimulated that they are “out of control,” meaning that you have to physically stop them because they are unable to process or respond to your verbal commands. Reactivity is a question of “can you regulate from an excited state to a calm one” as well as “do you trust my assessment of this situation and are therefore willing to be influenced by me in it?” Check out this article on reactivity for more.

Safety

Many of us know that our lives are safe, so we don’t consider what safety means to a dog. In order for a dog to feel safe they need to know that someone they trust and respect, who is better suited than they are for the job of protecting the house and ‘pack,’ is paying attention. We don’t know that dog’s need this (or that most of our behavior complaints are rooted in this basic need) so we accidentally live a life where we convince our dogs, in their language, that THEY are responsible for US. If you are wondering why there are so many reactive dogs today, this is the answer.

When we:

Body language of an over stimulated dog

• Allow dogs free rein of the house and access to furniture

• Let them push into us, lean on us, paw at us, follow us or even to enter our personal space bubble when excited or without checking in

• Don’t follow through on commands

• Encourage disregulated mindsets or reward the ensuing behavior

• Don’t consistently and reliably enforce boundaries

• Provide more love than structure… our dogs see us as someone they can push around and are therefore responsible for protecting.

OOPS! That is literally how everyone’s life with their dog looks - mine included before I learned what I now teach. Think about it like this. If we lived together and you were rude to me, bossed me around, won every argument and ignored my requests, would you trust me to step up and protect or defend you? Would you think that I could identify and appropriately respond to a threat? Would you even like me very much? No, no and probably not, honestly.

It isn’t fair to only ask how to ‘get a dog to stop barking’ without addressing why they feel they have to bark, and that means looking more deeply into our relationship.

So, how does your dog feel about you?

At the root cause of both expressions of the barking behavior is how our dogs feel about us. Unfortunately, most of our dogs don’t think very highly of us.

We don’t understand dog culture so we don’t know how to:

• earn our dog’s trust and respect

• demonstrate that we are aware of and managing a potential threat

• teach our dogs to regulate from an excited mental state to a calm one

• follow through on our commands to build integrity in our dogs’ eyes

Because we don’t understand how dogs perceive and respond to the environment or miss out on their early alert cues, it’s hard for us to know how and when to step in either to prevent the behavior or to correct it. But that isn’t all it’s about…. we have to become someone dogs are naturally inclined to listen to.

I bet you didn’t think changing how you show up to your dog and how they see you and view your relationship would be the answer to “how do I get my dog to stop barking” did you? Turns out it is the answer to almost every training question I get asked! This dynamic - how your dog sees you, how they view your relationship, and how that makes them feel about the world means EVERYTHING when it comes to giving our dogs a great life.

Back to Harley

Her fear based reactivity was about to get me fired and I had to do something. I wish I could say that I noticed there was a problem and immediately dropped everything to do whatever it took to change it, but that wasn’t true. I did my best to manage it. I half assedly tried some training techniques. I avoided those situations if possible. I mostly just watched it happened and downplayed it in my mind because I didn’t want to do an overhaul of our lives together. The trainers gave me a book, some instructions and an ultimatum. Fix it or she can’t come around anymore.

And they were right to do that.

During this time (a period I call ‘bootcamp’ for my clients because I ask them to follow as many of my recommendations as possible as thoroughly as possible for 6-8 weeks minimum) I:

• added a lot of rules and boundaries to our life together

• took away any and all privileges

• reeled back my affection and attention

• became clearer with my commands

• asked for TONS of regulation and impulse inhibition

• created structure in every interaction and activity

I also had to do a lot of emotional work. I pulled back the tendrils of the intense love I felt for my dog and reground in the core of my own being. If I couldn’t stand on my own, how could I stand up for her? Luckily I was doing this work with Harley at the same time I was in a 12 step program, because the concept of god, the support of the community and the framework for introspection in processing my past and clearing the way for a new future were all essential parts of the inner work that dog training suddenly required. I had to look at why I was so heavily invested in and emotionally dependent on my dog for her sake, because as I moved through the training process I learned that my dog’s biggest problem was actually me.

What now?

If you want to address your dog’s problematic behaviors, whether barking, reactivity, separation anxiety, social challenges or excitement, check out my free resources, my Online Learning Programs and my Virtual Coaching Packages to learn how I changed who I was, how my dog saw me, and how we started to move through the world so we could not only resolve her reactivity, but also have the amazing life and beautiful bond that we did.

Every dog is "reactive" (and every person is, too)

The truth is that we can all be reactive

We apply the label “reactive to a dog who behaves this way habitually, but it’s a quality present in every living being. In humans we call it ‘being triggered.’ This means that in certain situations our level headed, appropriate, and mature responses go out the window. We ‘react’ in a way we don’t want to, one that is explosive, inappropriate and causes harm. This can be because a sensitive spot (or somewhere near it) was hit in either a painful way or a way that has historically been painful and we were trying to prevent that pain. Maybe the situation reminded us of our childhood or a past trauma and our survival system kicked in, causing us to act out of character in a way we habitually used to protect ourselves. 

When these ‘reactive’ behaviors are in motion, in dogs I call this state ‘above threshold.’ We can keep our cool in most situations… except that one. We can choose a response in alignment with our values… right up until the moment we can’t. We can draw on our regulation and communication skills… until we completely forget them. Then we are sunk.

While reactivity can appear to come out of nowhere, there is usually a ‘loading’ stage before the explosion. This ‘loading’ stage is the zone in which we can exert influence to redirect or reeducate. Above threshold our only option is to attempt to contain the situation and minimize damage.

My therapist once told me that beyond our threshold we lose our steering. It can feel like an out of body experience as we watch ourselves say things we don’t like and do things we can’t stop. He said the only place where we can make a different choice is before ‘before we lose control’. In order to identify where this before the before is we need to build awareness in the process of us, essentially, going unconscious. We can review when we have behaved ‘reactively’ in the past and identify:

-our general stressors (area, type and amount)

-the problematic location, environment or setting

-the other players

-the types of interactions

-the words that were said

-the parts of us that these words touched (an emotion, value, or belief)

-any factors that remind us of a difficult experience in our past

-what was happening internally and externally before we reacted and, importantly, what was happening just before that

The way I have learned to cope with my own reactivity is with self awareness, in general of what has historically set me off and in the moment of how activated I am. I have a lot of tools I can use to regulate myself physiologically, many of which I learned and use regularly when I’m working with dogs and horses. These include deep breathing, somatic awareness, body scans, prayers or mantras I can repeat to ‘change my mind(set)’ and being in the habit of remembering to keep checking my meters and using these tools over and over, not just once.

When I can tell I’m feeling activated enough to risk losing my spot in the driver’s seat, when I struggle to remember my tools, or when the situation escalates or goes on too long (for me), I need to pause or exit. I have learned my internal warning signs so I can communicate when I’m entering the realm of reaching my limit (“heads up, I can only talk a little bit longer before I need to take a break”) and when I’m getting close to my limit (“hey, I’m at the line I don’t want to cross. I care about you and this conversation, but I have to excuse myself because I don’t want to say anything I will regret). Once I have reached my limit things get dicey quickly and I have to do what I have to do to get away.

The way we learn where that line is is by crossing it. In the process of gaining awareness, expect to cross it a few times and practice self compassion. The difference now is that we are taking those experiences and learning from them. We are gathering evidence, tracking trends, building a list of warning signs and identifying patterns. In every experience we can gain more insight and make a change. In the past I used to use each experience to build a case against myself as a terrible and unsafe person and build more shame. Turns out I wasn’t terrible, I was just forcing myself to stay somewhere I didn’t belong!

Okay, back to dogs

What’s the difference between a dog that reacts and one that is “reactive”? Whether they are capable of “not” reacting. In the presence of a trigger a reactive dog will lose their ability to be influenced or exercise self control and launch into an unmanageable and antisocial behavior cycle quickly and reliably (80% of the time or more). While many dogs reliably react and are on the reactivity spectrum, they do not deserve the label reactive. Especially since, I believe, with the right training and management this pattern is EXTREMELY easy to ease or extinguish in most dogs when the owners find the right trainer to help them.

image from Animal Humane Society

The reason I share all this is that it applies to dogs quite directly. Unlike us as independent adults that must navigate our reactivity on our own (after getting some help from a professional or loved one), our dogs rely on us to help them manage themselves. Think about the situation where your dog is “reactive”…. Maybe they:

-go from 0-100 when they bark at sounds around the house

-seem to unpredictably bark or lunge at other dogs

-snap from being your sweet pet to a cold blooded killer when they see a critter

-jump on company non-stop or frantically follow another dog around, shoving their nose wherever they can get it

Let’s say these are all situations where your dog ‘loses their mind,’ meaning that they go from acting to reacting, from thoughtful to impulsive, from controllable to uncontrollable. This is full on dangerous! Not in every moment it happens, but because the more often it happens the deeper that neural pathway is carved, meaning it could easily happen at a moment when danger is real and present - with a dog who doesn’t tolerate fools and may overcorrect with a bite, near a street when a car is coming, in an unfenced area where they can get lost, around a child they could accidentally seriously injure.

The fix

The way to address reactivity is not, as most of my clients come to me thinking, in the reactive moment or situation. If your dog freaks out when they see another dog on walks, you won’t be able to fix that on walks. Walks are the problem right now so they can’t be the solution. The place to fix it is literally everywhere else. 

All about dat base(line)

Most owners are used to seeing their dog at, let’s say, a level 5/10 on the activation scale. A 5 can jump up to a 7 or 9 pretty quickly. If I let my dog get up to a 9 I’d also be pretty helpless. What I do differently from most dog owners is insist that my dog stay at a 1-2 as a baseline. Then when stimulation comes, they jump to a manageable 3 or 5, giving me plenty of room to redirect, educate and influence them so we can hopefully avoid getting up to a 6 or higher. If we can’t hang at a 1 or 2 at home, how can we expect a dog to roll that low out of the house or when their trigger is present? When we lock in the low baseline everywhere else, our reactivity problem may end up solving itself because we just won’t get near that problematic line.

The relationship

Almost everyone I talk to doesn’t know that their behavior problem is actually a relationship problem. They love their dog So Much and they share a lot of affection and intimacy. Unfortunately, from the dog’s perspective, that relationship doesn’t have a solid foundation and it shows in the dog's attitude and behavior outside of those cuddly moments. Because the owner doesn’t set boundaries (ones that are important to the dog) the dog doesn’t respect them. Because the owner doesn’t enforce boundaries or follow through on commands, the dog doesn’t trust them to advocate for or protect them. I wish that the way we are naturally inclined to act, responsibly, lovingly and affectionately, naturally earned and fostered our dogs’ respect for us. Unfortunately it doesn’t, as evidenced by more dogs than ever struggling right now. If we want our dog to behave differently, we need to shift how they see the world. If we want to change how they see the world, we need to change how they see us.

The mindset

I rarely meet an owner who doesn’t reward excited mindset. We think an excited dog is a happy dog and we love making our dog happy. We are overjoyed that we can receive a dog’s communication and identify and fulfill their need or desire that we do so immediately, accidentally rewarding a pushy mindset and setting a standard of instant gratification. With a heart full of love we are accidentally setting our dogs up for failure in the world. These dogs don’t have an incentive or opportunity to learn how to go from stimulated to calm because we rarely ask them to in the low stakes moments of our everyday lives. Then we end up frustrated and dismayed that our dogs can’t go from excited to calm, or even unmanageable to manageable, in the moments that are disruptive and dangerous.

The home

We can’t fix the walk on the walk. There is just too much going on - too much stimulation, too many uncontrollable variables and the baseline activation level is usually too high for learning to take place. We can’t start addressing our dog's jumping when company arrives. We can’t fix barking when the mail is being put into the box. Where do we have more quiet and control? At home! Owners love to tell me that their dog is fine at home, but the truth is that the expressions of the problematic mindset at home usually aren’t a problem for them. Unfortunately these moments are a problem for their problem. 

At home we can shift our relationship with our dog by maintaining personal space boundaries, asking our dog to stay off the furniture and refrain from following us around the house, so we are setting and enforcing boundaries and earning their respect.

At home we can give our dog plenty of non negotiable opportunities to regulate out of an excited mindset by building a pause into activities and routines that are usually exciting, like feeding, leashing, opening doorways and playing. 

At home we can astutely observe our dog, learning their physical, behavioral, and energetic cues so we can identify that ‘before the before’ stage of activation in a safe and controlled environment. 

At home we can become someone our dog wants to listen to, is in the habit of listening to and, above all else, knows that they have to listen to. This isn’t mean, dominating or domineering. If you are reading this it’s because you care This Much about your dog and truly have their best interest at heart in every moment. Your dog will quickly see that and start to realize how much better life is when they just go ahead and follow your cues and do things your way. 

Want to learn how to change your perspective so you can change your behavior and change your relationship with your dog and how they see the world? Check out my eCourse and Virtual Coaching Packages. I added my Two Weeks To Trained course to the Virtual Coaching Packages so you can not only learn the theory, but see how I put it into action with Arrow the beach dog in Mexico last winter. I have been getting great results with my coaching clients and I’m so happy to be able to work with owners from anywhere in the world. They start seeing results almost immediately and that is what I want for every dog owner because our dogs deserve a better life right now!

Are we misusing the eCollar?

I love the eCollar as a tool. I initially didn’t want to use it, but when a client insisted, I learned how to use an eCollar. I was honestly astounded by how effective it was. The collar accomplished in two weeks what my other training techniques hadn’t in two months. Their Australian Shepard, who would regularly gallivant in the woods, became a safe and cooperative hiking companion who could enjoy the trails without risking getting lost in them. She responded to that type of pressure intuitively and with irritation at worst. She didn’t yelp. She wasn’t upset when it went on. She learned her job was to come back to me. Because of the eCollar she enjoyed a lot more freedom and she really enjoyed no longer getting into trouble. 

Despite how effective I have found it, the eCollar is often the last tool I recommend. I don’t want my clients to spend the money if they don’t have to. I don’t want to jump to one of the most intense tools before trying the more subtle techniques I have found to be miraculously effective. I want my clients to invest time in the foundation of their relationship, to go back to basics, to make changes in the way they see their dog and become more aware of their relating dynamic. I teach my client to understand their culture, their body language and learn to speak dog.

The way our dog sees us, the way they feel about us, and how that makes them feel about the world plays in to every training situation I’ve ever been in. Whether you follow through on commands, how often you advocate for them in public, and whether or not you move through your life reinforcing good manners can all have a huge effect on whatever is going ‘wrong’ for your dog. Before we address what we are asking the dog to do, we have to ask if we are the kind of person our dog wants to listen to? People are not aware of their behavior is being interpreted by their dog and often our most loving behaviors can have an adverse effect on our dogs.

I don’t use the eCollar until I have made sure my clients have an effective way of communicating with their dog. If they talk to their dog without relevant content such as a command, their dog is less likely to listen in general. If my clients give up and don’t follow through on commands, cooperation becomes optional. If there is no consequence for ignoring commands, their dog has no incentive to listen. Making changes in how they communicate with their dogs can completely shift how responsive the dog are to them, no eCollar necessary. 

I don’t use the eCollar until I have made sure we have clearly explained how we want the situation or action to look to the dog. We set up many moments throughout the day to practice this new way of doing things. I teach a client to read their dog’s stimulation and excitement level so they can shift their communication to be effective in that moment, pause or retreat as needed. I make sure they redo each action if they don’t get it right the first time so the dog learns the new way is the only way from now on. I have them slowly build the stimulation level as the dog is reliably successful so we don’t put them in a situation where they regress to the less desirable or problematic behavior. 

Dogs that tend to respond well to the eCollar aren’t motivated by incentives or rewards like treats, activities, affection and attention. They aren’t effectively and reliably deterred by energetic, body language and leash corrections. Some dogs are thick skinned - literally. They need more disincentive than I’m capable of giving. The eCollar provides subtle then incrementally more of an uncomfortable feeling until the dog decides it’s annoying enough to change course. The stimulation levels on the collar I like go so low that humans can’t feel it. At the lightest stimulation your dog responds to it’s a light tap or tingle, just enough to get a calm dog to check in with you. You incrementally increase the stimulation as you move through the command structure I teach. 

Say it clearly, but pleasantly. Wait a beat to see if you get a response from them or not. Say it again adding your dog's name and a clap if they are at a distance. Wait a beat. Give the command more sternly, using your energy, posture, facial expression and a stern, gravely tone of voice. Wait a beat then go make whatever you asked for happen or change the situation. With the eCollar, we add in a low level stimulation if our dog doesn’t respond when we wait a beat after the third time we give the verbal command then increase it incrementally on each repetition.

It takes time to acclimate a dog to the eCollar. Ideally they have a day or two to smell it and wear it around the house. On leash or a long line, set up minor situations where your dog may ignore you and starting at level 1 find the lightest stimulation that will cause them to pause or bring their attention back to you. If there is a twitch or yelp you are too high and I just told you to start at level 1. When they feel the stimulation, use the leash and your body language with verbal commands to guide them into whatever you just asked them to do. Just like everything else, introduce these concepts in the quietest possible situation and as they understand and become reliable, increase the distractions - like practicing in a hallway or the yard, then in busier and more interesting areas incrementally the more reliable they are and take a step back if they start to fail. You want your dog to associate the stimulation with checking in with you, coming back to you, or stopping ignoring you.

There are certain training challenges that the eCollar is well suited for. I have used it most often for training reliable recall for dogs that want to go off leash hiking. These dogs may have a high pray drive and could die or get lost chasing wildlife. Sometimes dogs are more defiant, willful or stubborn. They cannot be incentivized to be cooperative. The collar, like a big speed bump or a speeding ticket, creates and unpleasant, but not painful or traumatic consequence for ignoring us, the kind humans who cherish their health and safety above all and need for them to listen. Using the collar, these dogs’ attitudes have shifted and their singlemindedness decalcified. They become dogs that are happily in the habit of being cooperative and they bloom as a companion.

If your issue is something that happens only when you aren’t in the room, the collar can be useful for ‘touching' your dog when you aren’t close. Counter-surfing, chewing, climbing on furniture, digging in the yard, eating poo, nuisance barking. Some of these require setting up a camera or video calling yourself so you can spy on your dog and use the stimulation at the appropriate timing and level to deter the behavior, watching their body language . You have to practice for long enough and often enough to truly break these habits. A few set ups isn’t enough unless you use the collar at a traumatic level. You have to carry the collar on you constantly to get the timing right. It’s a commitment and not a quick fix.

Occasionally I have used the eCollar on a dog who is pulling on the leash in a way that is physically dangerous to them and to me. The collar can provide added incentive after we have addressed this pulling at the foundational training levels of building a respectful relationship, practicing self regulation and impulse inhibition, and giving clear commands with appropriate rewards and a clear consequence structure. This tool doesn’t physically hurt your dog, but years of dragging you on a taught leash can. It is also socially responsible to take strong steps to address this as it could be dangerous for you, your dog and others out in public. A dog who can drag you is a serious situation.

After my initial training approach has time to take effect, usually 6-8 weeks, I will sometimes use the collar on reactive dogs. The collar can be a way of reaching a dog beyond his mental capabilities in a strong reaction. When a dog is reacting, they aren’t in their thinking brain. They can’t process language into the alternative appropriate action. They probably can’t even hear you. If my initial recommendations of giving clear commands with a clear consequence structure, building a respectful relationship, and slowly working with the trigger in incremental stimulation levels fails, we add in the stimulation of the collar to get their attention and disincentivize the reaction. Many of us learn at an early age we will get in trouble for hitting. In that moment of anger the threat or memory of the potential consequence is enough to get us to figure out how to process those difficult feelings in a different way. When a dog doesn’t like how they feel when they react they will find an alternative, take the quit cue earlier and more gently, and start behaving more thoughtfully. It is essential that a reactive dog trust you before introducing the collar in this training scenario.

I sincerely believe the collar is a great tool. It has solved training challenges that other tools failed to shift. I have been living on the road for six months and I have one in my car. I’ve been staying with dogs, but I haven’t had to use it once. Why? Because the relational shifts and the way we move about the world with creating the dog we want in mind was always enough to guide a dog out of bad habits and into new, better ones. When a trainer tells you to put a collar on your puppy, gives you a collar at the first session, advertises themselves as eCollar trainers, or suggests the eCollar without teaching you about how your dog sees you, is using the tool because it’s fast and easy and not because it’s really right for you and your dog. 

As a dog owner you have to look at any problem you are having with your dog and consider whether or not, in general, they respect you enough to listen to you. You need to clear up your communication so you can show your dog exactly what you want. Ideally you are practicing the skills you need to be successful and building the thoughtful, cooperative mindset your dog needs to become a true teammate. Have you set them up to meet this challenge? Have you moved incrementally through stimulation levels, showing them what you want and making sure they experience success? 

To me, this is what dog training is. Understanding how we affect our dogs, becoming more aware in our interactions, setting our dogs up to win and seeking to truly understand them instead of jumping to a quick fix and essentially relying only on pain to teach them.

I love the eCollar as a tool, but it concerns me that the article teaching how to set it up is the most popular article in the ‘how to’ guides of my website. It concerns me how often I see dog trainers extolling it’s benefits and effectiveness to owners who are desperate for a fast resolution to their frustrations. I am deeply worried when I hear owners recommending it to each other on forums as a first step, especially when they don’t also recommend having a trainer teach you how. I will always be open to using the eCollar, but I will continue to use it after other approaches have fallen short and no earlier in the training than that.

The reasons people DON'T sign up for dog training

Everyone thinks of the training journey as the one that begins at the first session, but there is another, perhaps more important journey that we all must go on: the journey from inaction to action, when we decide the benefits will outweigh the costs, both financially as well as in the effort to find a trainer and make the changes they suggest. 

1. “I don’t have the time” / “It takes too much time” 

You’re already so busy...but if you are struggling with your dog regularly, how much time is that costing you? 

You are already putting a lot of time into your dog. Time cuddling, posing them for photos, playing in the yard, or running their instagram account. Time struggling on walks. Time stressing about how they will react to dogs or new stimuli. Time walking them before you go to meet your friends at the park without them because they will be unmanageable and you won’t be able to enjoy yourself.

Some positive reinforcement trainers will tell you to practice a trick routine for 20 minutes twice a day. While drilling commands is one way of approaching training, I have found that people often don’t put in the time it takes to create a truly ingrained response using treats. Instead, my training approach involves understanding your dog so it will feel natural, seeing how they see the world and interpret our behavior, to change the way you do the things you already do. Activities like feeding, letting your dog out of the crate or the car, and beginning your walk may take a little longer, but you won’t necessarily have to set aside blocks of ‘training time.’ I’ve gotten incredible results with a model that simply changes and improves the way you do what you already do with your dog.

1. “It’s scary to make a change” / “I’m afraid I won’t be able to commit and stay dedicated till I get lasting results”

This is the reason why it’s been so hard for me to start doing things that I know are good for me like meal prepping, meditating, or regularly exercising. Change is hard and scary! Habits take time, effort and awareness to shift. Even when it’s a powerful change that will have positive effects, it’s hard to find the time and energy to take on anything new. While your relationship with your dog has its stressors, you probably are used to it. It at least feels like it’s stable when so little else in our lives is. The truth is that frustrating, yet manageable problems, when unattended, will inevitably grow. That means things are changing whether we want them to or not. If you seek and apply a training program that helps you understand how your behavior affects your dog you can make sure they change for the better and deepen the relationship you care so much about.

1. “I don’t want my relationship with my dog to change” / “I’m afraid my dog won’t love me as much if I tell them no”

For a lot of us, the relationship we have with our dogs is one of the most important, consistent, and joyful relationships in our lives. We depend on our dogs. It’s scary to imagine that we might undermine that relationship in any way by shifting how we interact or calling them out on their bad behaviors in an impactful way. Even though we know things aren’t as good as they could be, we tend to see our dogs through rose tinted glasses, excusing or dismissing their bad behaviors. This locks us in a cycle of codependency with our dogs that keeps us stuck: Since many of us have an unmet need of unconditional love and positive regard, we projet that on to our dogs and are afraid to jeopardize it with rules and boundaries, ignoring or accepting them as their worst selves. Dog training was an incredibly counter-intuitive process for me. Hell, if it was intuitive, we’d all have good dogs and I wouldn’t have a job. By doing the things I thought would undermine my relationship, I built one that was stronger and clearer than I could conceive of before. I promise, by making small shifts in how you interact with your dog, they will blossom in a way you never thought possible. By following the protocol I now teach, my dog was noticeably more confident, happy, and content. Who wouldn’t want that? 

1. “It will be a lot of work” / Dog training will take time, effort and energy I can’t commit to

I get it. You look at someone with a well-trained dog and you think “wow that’s cool,” but wonder if you can really do it.

Many of us accidentally deprive our dogs of one of life’s greatest pleasures - to have responsibilities, work hard, and accomplish something. We, being overwhelmed with responsibilities, project our desire to be free of them onto our dogs and go too far in the opposite direction. As ‘good owners’ we tend to meet all our dogs' needs AND desires instantaneously, not wanting to say no to them, another projection of a situation we wish we were in. While this may feel good on one level, it deprives them of an important experience and perhaps the best feeling, that of taking on a challenge and growing as a result of it. Shifting your perspective and behaviors takes effort at first and it’s totally worth it. Eventually it will become as natural to you as what you are doing now, except the results you will get will be exponentially more enjoyable.

1. “I can’t take on another thing right now”

It’s so easy for life to get busy and for us to focus on what is loudest or most pressing instead of what is most important. Our dogs can be a companion to relax and unwind with, but for many of us they are another source of stress. It’s important to pick a time to start training when you have the mental and emotional space to dedicate to engaging with your dog more mindfully. Perhaps you will find it’s more important than some of the other things on your plate that you agreed to if you think about it.

1. “I want to try and figure it out on my own unless it gets worse” / “I can train my dog on my own” 

Yeah, you could, but...

We don’t take driver’s ed after we try driving on our own and get into an accident, so why do we wait until things are in crisis before taking on training our dogs? Many people think “we are smart, successful adults, shouldn’t we be able to figure it out using logic and love?” Unfortunately for us, dog training isn’t something that comes naturally to almost anyone, which is why I see almost exclusively overstimulated, anxious, and reactive dogs. It’s even more problematic that these behaviors have become so normalized that we don’t realize how seriously dysfunctional they are. Often the things we try to do to help can actually make the problem worse. 

One of the first steps in training is admitting that what you have been doing isn’t working or that the approach you have tried isn’t working and you have hit the ceiling of it’s effectiveness. I always blamed myself, that I wasn’t applying it thoroughly enough and if I just would try harder I could get the result it promised. Finding a method you can and do apply is one of the moving parts of an effective training program. Many people learn a positive only protocol, but don’t have a treat bag strapped to them 100% of the time for a few years, thus rendering that approach obsolete. Instead of blaming yourself and living with the dog you have, pivot to an approach that actually works for you.

1. “It’s too expensive” / “I can't afford it”

Just like with everything else, you get what you pay for in dog training. Many years ago, as I was just beginning to offer a training service in addition to hiking my pack of dogs everyday, my prices were very low because I knew I only had so much to offer and was still experimenting with my clients to find out what was effective as I learned how to train humans. I was still helpful, but my expertise grew over time and my prices increased. This won't always be the case as many beginners are coached to charge as much as they can get and sell with (often unearned) confidence.

The truth is, good training is worth investing in. We love our dogs so much. But what is love? Do we love them enough to learn how they see the world and how we can be the best teammate for them? Enough to get coached on the best way to resolve their challenges and help them enjoy as full a life as possible? This is one of the most important relationships in your life and you should absolutely invest time, energy, attention and resources into those that matter to you. If you don’t, it will cost you in stress and frustration.

1. “I’m not sure how to pick a trainer” / “There’s ONE best technique, but I’m not sure what it is”

It’s easy for dog owners to find themselves in an impossible situation because there are so many different styles of training and even within each approach, so much disagreement. It’s hard to know what is right for you and your dog and what is effective. The concept of ‘dog training’ has been associated with the obedience commands or a trick routine. It’s the focus of the big box pet store puppy classes and all R+ trainers. I think teaching tricks and building a language with your dog is a piece of the puzzle, but owners are often frustrated that a dog who knows sit and down is still unmanageable and only responds to the commands they know selectively. They thought the dog would be ‘trained’ once they knew commands and wonder if this is as good as it gets or where to go from there.

Different dog personalities also have different needs. While shock collar training worked for your friend with a working breed, it may not be appropriate for your sensitive dog. Treat training worked for your other dog with high food drive, but is totally useless with your non food driven dog. A super active dog loved obedience or agility training, but your less active, more stubborn dog refuses and you aren’t sure what to do.

When clients would call me completely overwhelmed by the number of trainers in the area and often contradictory differences in styles, I would tell them the only thing they can do is read websites, research the trainer on social media, then choose whoever’s language resonated with them and ideas rang true inside of them. Logic can do a lot for us, but a big part of dog training for me has been learning to listen to my intuition. If you choose wrong - that’s okay! That’s also a part of learning. Practice another one of my favorite dog training tools, self compassion, and try again. 

Why I love what I do

I love the style of training I teach because it’s everything I wanted to know about dogs that no one told me. After a decade of hiking with dogs every day, boarding people’s dogs, then training hundreds of dogs, I learned how dogs communicate with each other, how the dog that other dogs respect behave, and what they allow or don’t allow. 

By copying how dogs interact with each other, there is no confusion or translation - I teach humans to speak dog instead of teaching dogs how to learn like a human so it works right away. Dogs don’t train each other using food, toys or other reward based approaches. They train each other using energy, boundaries and a consequence structure. So why should we turn all of that on its head so life can look pretty and we can keep believing dogs are angels in the way we wish they were? 

Accepting the realities of who a dog is can be a rude awakening and doesn’t align with our fantasy of who we want them to be, as well as the positive only approach does. People often call me after other approaches that they wanted to work on have failed them and they are ready to open their minds so they can get results and start enjoying their lives.

Giving and receiving mindfully with dogs

What I’m passionate about teaching people, the work I feel I have to do in the world to advocate for dogs, what I know to be true is that dogs are a different species and so many of the behaviors we struggle with are rooted in how we see them and how that leads us to treat them in a way that is not appropriate for who they are as animals or helpful for our greater goals with them.

We love giving to our dogs. We take pride in it. They are the screen savers on our phones, we wear shirts that say ‘pet parent,’ we base our identity off bring a dog owner because it’s such a big and important part of our lives. We love giving to our dogs, but sometimes we don’t always know what they need, what they want, or how to balance that with what we feel best when giving.

The Wheel of Consent

I love this concept and I think it is a great way of better understanding our interactions with our dogs as well as with people. Betty Martin came up with a four quadrant diagram to help us conceptualize a system of giving and receiving. We can give in a way that is generous or selfish and we can receive in a way that is fulfilling to us or doing a service for the giver.

Let’s say you are in a bad mood and I ask you simply “do you want to go for a walk?” I know that you usually enjoy walking and, while it isn’t exactly what I’d like to do in that moment, I think it would make you feel better so I suggest it. You have had a long day and are feeling tired, but you care about me and since I seem to want to go walk and desire your company, you agree. Then we have two people on a walk, neither of whom really want to be here! Betty’s chart helps give the clarity of intention and language to where I can say “would it make you feel better if I joined you for a walk?” to which you could say that you appreciated the offer and may take me up on it another time, but feel like resting. 

The Wheel of Consent ties in to our dogs to help us get clear on what a dog needs or enjoys

Serving - where you take an action to benefit the other

Taking - where you want something that will benefit you

Allowing - where you let another act the way they want

Accepting - where you benefit from the actions of the other

Serving and allowing are giving in nature while taking and accepting are receiving.

Let’s talk about dogs:

Serving - giving your dog one to two hours of exercise a day 

Yes! Any dog, any age. You may have to build up to it, but every dog would benefit from an hour outside the house engaged in an activity. Maybe it’s broken up into 20 minute chunks, but to me this is the minimum daily investment any good dog owner needs to make. If you are out with your dog less than a minimum of one hour every day, meet this daily quota for one month straight and your behavior problem may radically change.

Taking - rewarding your dog when they excitedly greet you at the door, hugging or holding your dog when they strain to get away, taking your dog to a patio to sit next to you in a loud, crowded, public space where they aren’t free to move or interact naturally (especially when you haven’t exercised them to the point of exhaustion that day)

These are actions we take with our dogs that benefit us, but really aren’t what our dog wants or needs. It feels good to have someone in our lives excitedly bound up to us when we get home, but by returning that excited energy, petting them, cooing to them, or pretty much doing anything but ignoring or correcting them, we are amplifying their anxiety at being left alone, rewarding an excited state (and what we reward we get more of!), teaching them bad manners for greetings that could scare or upset company and set a bad habit of generally greeting excitedly that will have a massive negative impact on their interactions with other dogs. We don’t realize the harm we can do by allowing ourselves this indulgence. After all, being excitedly greeted by our dog when we come in was one of the main perks of dog ownership our culture marketed to us. It’s part of why we got them, now the mean trainer lady is telling you that it isn’t good for the dog, your relationship with them, or their relationship with other animals and people. Sorry, everyone. Trust me, if I had better news I’d be sharing it.

Allowing - Teaching your dog to be safe off leash so they can interact with dogs, smell, move, run and explore naturally

We need to let dogs be dogs! Training seems to limit dogs being dogs in the stereotypical way we think of dogs. I find training doesn’t limit a dog’s life, it allows for it. I make sure my dog and I have a relationship where they listen to me unconditionally so I can keep them safe. I teach them to not let me get out of their sight so they don’t get lost. I teach them to come when called so they can keep enjoying the privilege of being free. I teach them to calmly greet other dogs so when I’m not holding the leash they don’t make dangerous choices. Yes, I’m limiting some of their natural behaviors, but these are the dark sides of their personality coin - the rude, pushy, impulsive, behaviors that could get them lost, in a fight, hit by a car, or even ordered to be euthanized.  By saying no to certain behaviors, I’m giving a big green light to something my dog will value above all else, the ability to move freely through the hiking trails and parks off leash. 

Accepting - Accepting their polite bids for attention and giving them scratches, pets, playing calm tug, and enjoying sweet kisses

Accepting is where we benefit from the actions of others that they also enjoy. Most of the time we think of the list above, enjoying our dogs’ affectionate expressions so we can engage in what we as humans know to be loving interactions. For me, what dogs allow us to do is something that we need and want even more than getting love - the opportunity to be of service. We want someone to give to, to consider, even to sacrifice for. 

After years of working with dogs, my list looks a little different. 

The way I serve a dog and the gift I accept from them is a higher calling for me to center within myself and BE who they need me to be so they can feel safe in the world. For their sake I am calm, confident, aware of the environment, deliberate about how we move through the world, mindful of their energy, where their attention is and if they are being impulsive and pushy or tuned in and respectful.

Yes, I miss out on some of the fun other dog owners have. I know better than to think a dog running wild or playing rough is having fun because I know that energy is one that is more likely to cause an accident or dog fight. I don’t let them run up to me, lean on me, push into my space or flip my hand for more pets because I know that it’s rude and will affect how they see me and how well they listen to me. I know that a dog dragging to a smell is learning to pull, be pushy and getting into an instinctive mindset that will lead to them getting in trouble either within a few minutes or at another time. 

While being a dog trainer and knowing what I know has meant giving up on a lot of things that our culture sees as the fun of dogs, I also get to enjoy things many owners never get to experience. I can be tuned in to dogs in a way that feels like having ESP. I can teach any dog to walk nicely on the leash and dogs who don’t pull get walked more. I help dogs learn to be safe off leash and after a lot of time saying ‘no’ to the things that aren’t allowed off leash, they get a life of ‘yes’ enjoying the trails.

A Dog's Hierarchy of Needs

Hierarchy of Needs

Many of you probably learned about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in a high school physchology class. The concept is that our basic needs have to be met in order for us to strive for an meet our higher level needs. I have found that this concept applies to dogs in the sense that American dog owners seem to be meeting our dogs’ basic needs and a lot of their desires, but are leaving out an important need that we haven’t considered we aren’t meeting - the need for safety as understood and experienced from their perspective. Once we understand why dogs have a need for safety, how it’s undermining their mental health and what we can do to meet it, we can be the owners our dogs deserve.

Your Human Hierarchy

If you are reading this article, it’s unlikely that you have fear around your basic needs being met. People who are worried about access to food, clean water, or shelter aren’t taking the time to learn about dog training. Many of the people reading this are not worrying about their basic physiological needs. We need make constant effort to maintain them, but don’t have fear about whether or not we will be able to.

Many of us are also lucky to not live in constant fear of violence. We are mindful of what streets we walk down, we lock doors, we are careful about the company we keep, but we don’t live in a war zone and generally have an expectation of basic safety day to day.

The epidemic of loneliness and isolation was the subject of a recent report by the Surgeon General and we are learning more about the health effects of these social deficiencies that the pandemic revealed and exacerbated. Still, many of us are connected to our family, as fraught as those relationships can be. We have opportunities to connect with colleagues or are still in touch with friends from school or our childhood. We can find like minded people who share our interests through online communities or local meet ups. With cars, single family housing and lack of the local community that was grounded by attending weekly religious services, we are as a society lonelier than ever before. Many people get pets to help fill these socialization holes and ease our feelings of loneliness.

Only once our basic survival needs are met, our bodies are safe, and we feel connected socially, we can expand to meeting our achievement and esoteric needs. Esteem means respect and admiration, including self respect. Seeking esteem is a growth stage where we focus on becoming a respected and contributing member of the society and social groups we belong to.

At the top of the pyramid comes self actualization. This may be something we aren’t conscious we strive for or something we pointedly dedicate ourselves to. It’s the drive to become everything we are capable of being.

Many of us meet our dog’s basic needs for food, water, shelter, but we don’t adequately meet their physical need for exercise and mental stimulation. We meet their social needs for belongingness by giving them a place in our home, family, and heart. We attempt to meet their canine socialization needs at dog parks and day cares or doing on leash greetings on walks, but often miss the mark. Healthy socializing for dogs is so much more than play and often looks more like peacefully coexisting, an interaction so subtle it’s hard for us humans to grasp the depth of.

While we unconditionally love and include our dogs and that is, on one level, a good thing, we miss the important step of asking them to also powerfully show up for the relationship beyond just being alive and present. Their existence, their company, their antics and way of engaging with and appreciating the world brings us joy. We call the way it makes us feel unconditional love. It’s part of why we get dogs, to experience the flow of that love to and from them, uncomplicated by the nuance and complications of our human connections. Unfortunately this ends up being problematic for them

• Because human relationships are complicated, we get dogs to have a loving connection with.

• Because we want this relationship to be the loving and pleasant balance we need, we avoid having difficult moments with our dogs.

• Because we don’t know what is the appropriate response to behavior we don’t like, having been sold the myth that treats and rewards can solve any issue, we manage or ignore undesirable behaviors instead of resolving them.

• Because we have told ourselves that the behavior is acceptable, our dogs are anywhere from unpleasant to dangerous in public and we defiantly defend their right to be as we are and our right to not shield the world from them.

• Because our dogs are difficult on walks, leash reactive, anxious or full out aggressive, we take them out less. Because we take them out less, they are under exposed and become fearful or used to being in an environment where they always get what they want when they want it and their frustration tolerance is minimal.

• Because we are committed to seeing dogs as friends, children and even partners, we are afraid adding more structure to the relationship will threaten what we code as our dog’s love for us and remove an essential pillar of social and emotional support in our own lives.

• Because we don’t have the support systems we need to feel good about and solid within ourselves, we struggle to call our dogs out or ask more of them, leaving them as impulsive, selfish, unhappy and underdeveloped versions of themselves.

• Because we are missing a pillar of psychological health, we rob our dogs of it in an attempt to shortcut or bypass the inner work required to become whole humans.

When we tolerate our dogs’ bad behaviors, there is a level of psychological projection at play here. It’s we want to be accepted exactly as we are at the most base level: wild, selfish, and unfiltered. Perhaps this need wasn’t met in an age appropriate window in childhood and part of us unconsciously asks ‘what if.’ If only I could be loved exactly as I was. If only I could really let down around someone and be myself. If only someone would truly accept me. If only I could not try and still be good enough. This is a question I hope everyone can experience first hand so they don’t have to take my word on it, but the answer is disaster. When we are around someone who tolerates our bad behavior, it doesn’t have a healing effect, but a snowball effect. We rise to the bar that is set for us and when that bar is low, we descend to it.

We don’t know some dog behaviors are rude because we code the same action different when a human we care about engages it in. This is the cuddling, leaning, initiating/demanding affectionate exchanges, stepping on, sleeping on the feet of, pushing your body out of a space. I thought this stuff was cute, too, until I was taught otherwise. After almost 10 years of being around groups of dogs and learning what dogs will and won’t tolerate from each other, I can say that dogs need to have a certain relationship to let another dog in their space and the action must be initiated with very calm and tentative energy to be well received. This is often not the case in the ‘loving' interactions I see with dogs and humans.

Other behaviors we code as ‘dogs being dogs.’ This includes barking, pulling on walks or towards smells or other stimuli, jumping on company, getting into scuffles at the dog park or running at top speed in ‘play.’ These are all the marks of a dog whose mind is unshaped by training, an uncivilized and unguided dog. Unfortunately these behaviors have become so common they appear to be the norm even though they aren’t normal. The way I know these behaviors aren’t normal, again, is by watching how other dogs respond to them. These are stress behaviors, behaviors that stem from impulses not being curbed. The same way children interrupt, throw tantrums, yell, hit when they are frustrated, struggle to sit still, our dogs share these impulsive tendencies. The same way we lovingly have to set boundaries with children and educate them on these behaviors being on the antisocial range and therefore unacceptable, we need to do this for our dogs, but fail to. These behaviors that will cause adults, even teens, trouble because of how badly others will respond and the way that will limit their opportunities.

When we know the bar our dogs can reach, that of being a calm, balanced, patient, even considerate companion, we can lovingly hold them to that standard, incentivizing positive behaviors and disincentivizing the undesirable ones. When our dogs settle into a life with limits, they learn to manage their frustration and impulses, padding the breaks on their desires, taking the others around them into consideration. When they do this, their social world blossoms outside of just us and our often enmeshed and codependent love. When they learn to overcome their impulses, they build esteem. Being more mentally, settled they are able to behave in a way that is helpful and supportive to others, becoming a force for good in society.

Self actualization isn’t reached on the path of least resistance. It’s a higher calling, one that we gather ourselves for. It involves dedication, commitment, restraint, frustration, internal navigation. It is the ultimate prize and, like all prizes worth having, like the ones that feel the best to achieve, is hard-won. When we ask our dog to work with us to achieve true partnership, when we ask them to succumb to the limitation of their role as a dog, and thus to flourish in it, when we build a relationship beyond that of projecting on them what we need them to be and using them to fill a hole in our own lives, our dogs have a chance to have something we all want, a life well lived as a force of good, a legacy, we can be proud of.

How to avoid shoving your dog (or why corrections are kind)

I try not to give unsolicited advice or judge my friends when I’m around them & their dogs. For the most part the dogs truly are good enough, but they aren’t all necessarily what I would call trained. (As a preface - this article features photos of my friends’ amazing dogs that have joined me on hikes and are pretty darn good!)

One thing I’ve noticed is that our beloved pet dogs are pushed and dragged and get in trouble a lot. The owners spend a lot of time being affectionate, but not very much time laying a groundwork for training language or communicating how they want life to look. They fix what’s happening in the moment, but not in a way that teaches their dog what they want in general.

Kudu

My friend absolutely loves her two small doodles and is fine with them being just a little trained. Ultimately, as long as the dogs are safe and minimally annoying to be around, if she’s happy, I’m happy. One day we were doing a project on her living room floor when the younger dog walked over to us and right on to our workspace and supplies. My friend immediately and absentmindedly shoved her dog off with a swift sweep of her arm. No ‘out’ command. No directional hand signal. No attempt to communicate.

I was really taken aback when I saw this happen. Like, really shocked and upset. I had to carefully consider why that would surprise me so much. I took the time to build a language with my dog and a relationship in which she is mostly observant to my cues & respects my communications. I was surprised by how aggressive it seemed to me to shove a dog with no communication or warning. Unless the situation we were in was dangerous, I would never shove my dog. Ideally no one would.

Luna

From the dog’s perspective, sitting on the floor is usually an invitation to interact. Most of the time, accepting that invitation is well received by affectionate owners who pet their dog whenever it comes up to them. Looking at the situation from the dog's perspective, how was she supposed to know this time was different? How could the dog have avoided getting shoved?

Building communication and respect with a dog involves giving a lot of guidance as well as some corrections. These corrections are designed to make a dog temporarily uncomfortable so they associate the discomfort they feel with the behavior we deemed dangerous or otherwise undesirable. They also are designed as building blocks to the end goal of creating a language and relational system that decreases the need for corrections over time. My friend got done what she needed to get done in the moment - the dog was moved - but in this case the dog experienced discomfort and wasn’t set up to learn anything about how to avoid it in the future.

When I begin an interaction with a dog where I need them to do something, I make sure I get the dog’s attention. This is a key step that is often missed. Then I embody an ‘on the job’ energy so the dog knows something is being asked of them. I give a clear verbal and/or directional cue, saying just one word they know and not a sentence of human talk. I visualize what I want my dog’s response to be. After that I wait a beat, which is 1/2 a second to 2 or 3 seconds, giving my dog a chance to process my communication and decide what to do.

If my dog completes the command with little or no hesitation I reward them with the relaxation of my energy, a ‘good dog’ and/or a little scratch.

Heidi

If they don’t complete the command, I determine if it’s because they didn’t understand or they are being obstinate. If they may not be clear on what I’m asking, I repeat the instruction with more guidance, like a hand signal or by repositioning myself. If they're having an obstinate moment I may increase my energy and move closer to add pressure. I’ll keep doing this until I get the outcome I want, then relax and reward or even simply shift my attention away from them to remove the discomfort they felt a moment before.

Sometimes the pressure is in the form of a touch, but only following multiple commands and combined with other cues. My dog will learn that I touch them in a not super pleasant way when they ignore a command. It will never be in a way that could cause harm, just sufficient annoyance (you know, kind of like what you feel when your dog continues to do the stuff you wish they would stop doing). This touch is usually a light pulsing pressure to help the dog make the choice to move away without doing moving them myself by pushing them. If necessary I’ll guide a dog with pulsing pressure on the collar in the direction I want them to go, associating the action with the initial command by repeating it and the directional cue (such as pointing).

Bootsie

These days people bristle at the thought of intentionally causing a dog any discomfort. Part of it is this generation's zeitgeist dog training myth that rewards can solve every problem. They can't. Part of it is projection. We don’t like that most of our lessons come through discomfort and consequences, so we try to shield our dog from that. Of course we don’t like causing our dog discomfort, however when it’s done intentionally that discomfort is proportional and temporary. When we abstain from guiding our dog’s behavior through deliberate corrections, we unintentionally double the discomfort they experience - the discomfort of the natural consequence of the behavior -like pulling on the leash or getting too excited to make good choices - as well as the discomfort of our usually too harsh and, from their perspective, out of nowhere reaction.

In the situation in my friend’s living room, I would have done a few things very differently. First of all, I would have made sure my dog had sufficient exercise so she wouldn’t be as excited about involving herself in my human tasks at home. As I sat down I would I’d glance at my dog to see if she’s interested or not, knowing that action could be misinterpreted as an invitation. If she started coming over, I’d give a light ‘eh-eh’ sound, put up my hand like a stop sign and tense my energy to let her know that wasn’t the right move. If she kept moving towards us I’d repeat the verbal cue and go from the stop sign cue to waving my hands gently in a ’shoo’ movement. If that still didn’t work I would start getting up, as if to walk into her space and move her out of mine (I have found usually just acting like I’m about to get up is enough to make the point). When she gives up and goes back to her spot I can reward that choice with a light, sing-songy ‘good girl’ and go back to what I was doing knowing that my dog is in place, at least for now.

Be kind to your dog by learning some training techniques so you can give commands and apply pressure effectively. Guide your dog’s behavior in each moment in a way that builds their understanding for future situations. Make the effort to deliberately apply the training techniques, even when they are hard to wrap your head around in the beginning or when they take a bit longer that you’d like to produce results. Be aware enough of your actions to anticipate situations where your dog may make mistake. Be aware enough of your dog to give them cues before they make the mistake to help prevent it. Notice the first few steps of a bad idea and give your dog a chance to listen to the commands you already taught them. If all that doesn’t work, use as little pressure as possible or as much pressure as necessary to guide them out of a behavior or situation you don’t want and into a behavior you do want. Last step: repeat as needed and enjoy life with a companion and teammate you can communicate with.

How to pet a dog

Petting a dog may seem like the most obvious and intuitive thing in the world. Just stick your hand out and scratch them. The truth is that almost daily I see people petting dogs in a way that makes the dogs uncomfortable. In America we LOVE saying hello to each other’s dogs. Bringing a dog in public seems to have been equated with having a therapy dog on duty. People come up from out of nowhere asking to pet them - and that is the best case scenario. I have had people run, actually run, up to my dog, Harley, to pet her, pet her without my knowing it when she’s standing behind me, even pick her up when she’s off leash. I have had parents watch their children surround her when I tied her outside a coffee shop momentarily and chide me for leaving her unattended if I didn’t want such a thing to happen when I came back and expressed that the dog wasn’t comfortable and approaching an unfamiliar and unattended dog wasn’t a great idea. I see people let newly rescued dogs or young puppies be surrounded or passed around. The bar for what dogs in public have to tolerate from us humans is very high, and the bar for us humans learning about what works and doesn’t work for dogs is devastatingly low.

There is a right way and wrong way to greet a dog and if we knew how to do this, our interspecies interactions would almost certainly go better. Learn these tips and be an ambassador for this beloved species that we can keep getting to know more and more deeply.

Ask the owner if they are friendly

It’s important to check in with an owner before you go to interact with a dog. Don’t pet a dog whose owner isn’t paying attention. The dog will feel more comfortable if the owner is watching and is mentally engaged. It’s also important to get verbal permission because dogs that seem friendly aren’t always.

Get into position

Dogs read body language and I have found this posture is the best way to make them feel comfortable. 

• Slightly extend your hand down towards the dog without moving towards them

• Turn to the side so your feet point diagonally away from the dog, 

• Kneel at the knees (preferred) or bend over at the hips so you can quickly stand

• Look down at your hand or between your hand and the dog so you can keep an eye on the dog without directly looking at them

• Keep taking deep breaths and keep your muscles relaxed

Eye contact is polite for primates, but not for dogs. Averting your gaze will make a dog more comfortable, but you must only appear to do so from their perspective. Be sure you are still keeping an eye on the dog so  if they seem uncomfortable you can stand up, move backwards and remove your hand.

Read the dog’s response

• A happy dog who wants to get a pet will sniff your hand, wag its tail and move towards you. Often this sniff is enough of an interaction and I will end it there.

  • If you want to pet the dog, slowly move your hand forward and see if they continue to move towards the interaction.

  • We recommend keeping your hand in the dog’s eyeline and moving towards their shoulder instead of petting them with your hand moving down from above into their blindspot on to the back of their neck, one of the most vulnerable parts of a dog’s body. 

  • Give a quick pet (3-5 seconds) then stand up and take a step back. Always try to end the interaction on a good, calm note, before the dog gets too excited, tries to jump or lean on you, mouth your hand, or pushes further into your space.

  • The focus of this post is on petting in a way that makes a dog comfortable, but remember, even if we pet a dog for our own pleasure, it’s still a reward for the dog. If a dog gets too excited, by continuing to pet them we are rewarding a mindset that leads to behaviors that we don’t want. 

• A hesitant dog may move forward to sniff you while keeping their weight on their hind feet. Their body may be stiff or their tail may move in a low, slow wag.

  • If this is the case you can take a deep, relaxing breath and stay where you are, talking to the owner while keeping an eye on the dog in your peripheral vision. You may choose to stand up and end the interaction to show the dog that you read and respect their discomfort. 

  • Do not move closer or try to pet this dog.

• If you lean down to offer your hand to be smelled and the dog takes a step back or turns their head away, stand up and take a step back. This is respectful and the safest response.

  • A fearful dog will take a step away or move behind their owner, put their hackles up or maybe even curl their lip or growl. These are all the most obvious signals. More subtly, this dog could display whale eye, where you can see the whites of their eye, a tight facial expression, light, shallow breathing and stiff body language. 

  • Not every dog wants to be pet by a stranger and that is okay! Maybe they aren’t feeling well that day, are nervous around new people or are uncomfortable in the environment. 

By reading body language and social cues we know if a person wants to talk to us, shake our hand or is open to receiving a hug. Our dogs also send these cues, but most of us don’t know how to read them or aren’t present enough to respond appropriately.

Because so many dogs are friendly and like to meet or be pet by strangers, we assume that all dogs want to be pet. If the stranger or handler doesn't read a dog’s signals and a bite occurs, it isn’t really the dog’s fault. They likely did their best to convey that they weren’t comfortable and the bite was the final and most obvious signal in a series of signals that weren’t noticed.

Remember, don’t take it personally if a dog doesn’t want to be pet. This isn’t a reflection of you or your worth! Instead be proud of yourself for caring about dogs enough to read and respect their body language.

Like so many things in life, this acceptance is the key! If you show a dog you are tuned in to them and willing to respect their boundaries, they are more likely to relax around you and be willing to interact with you. It could even be a big step for that dog towards trusting humans in general.

Owners, advocate for your dogs in public when it comes to being pet by strangers. This is not an obligation you have by bringing your dog in public. If your dog doesn’t seem comfortable, communicate that clearly and immediately to the humans around you that are trying to interact with your dog. Don’t worry about being rude or being liked, worry about your dog’s comfort and safety. Advocation is one of the best ways to say “I love you” to your dog and be the trusted companion they need you to be.

European dogs are better (and it’s all our fault)

I have been in Italy and Switzerland for the past three weeks and one thing I noticed right away is that European dogs are better behaved than American dogs.

There seems to be slightly less dogs here, but they are in more places. Dogs in restaurants. Dogs on buses or in the train station. Dogs in shops. The dogs go everywhere with the owner, many walking on a harness with a loose leash and being very settled and calm in their mentality.

These dogs are out and about. They look around. They enjoy the scenery and smells of the world. They are having a good time. One very clear difference that explains why these dogs are so good out in public is that no one on the street stops to greet or pet them therefore they don't excitedly pull towards anyone walking by because they have no expectation of a potential reward.

This may seem counter intuitive - less attention equals more happiness? Many of the issues I see in dogs at home is that they are at a baseline of being overstimulated and overexcited. From that overexcited mindset when they are out of the house they can't make good choices socially and engage in impulsive behaviors like pulling on the leash or dragging towards objects of interest like other dogs, people, squirrels, or smells.

All the petting by strangers actually rewards that impulsive and excited mindset. First of all, dragging towards someone gets rewarded with pets so that is a behavior a dog will continue to engage in because it was successful. Second, the type of mindset that would drag is rewarded, creating positive associations with being in that mindset.

This is all because the owners or the people doing the petting don't know that most dogs they see are overexcited. They also would never think not to pet an excited dog. Why wouldn't we want to reward excitement? We as humans covet that state! This could also be because the owners don't feel comfortable risking being seen as rude by asking people not to pet their dog or to wait until their dog is calm. They may not even know how to calm their dog down!

I had heard this about Europe - that many dogs are able to walk happily next to their owners off leash through busy streets because it isn't customary to pet other people's dogs, thus the dog is able to calmly focus on his job and enjoys quite a bit more freedom than our over-pet American dogs do. Do you think a dog would rather get less pets and enjoy a life of going everywhere with their owner off leash or more pets but less outings and a life of pulling on the leash?

To be fair, I have noticed that while the European dogs are much better behaved around people, the dogs here tend to react badly when they see another dog. That same calm dog will begin barking and the owners, much like their American counterparts, will either ignore it, give a too subtle correction that goes unnoticed or unheeded by the dog or, worst of all, pet their dog in an attempt to calm them which accidentally rewards the very behavior they are trying to disincentivize.

Because dogs are primarily human companions, many dogs in today's world don't know how to dog! They don't know how to interact or how to react when they see another dog. A dog will bark either out of overexcitement, an attempt to interact or a reactive knee jerk response because they feel the other dog is a potential threat or that they need to protect their owner.

While there are actions we can and should take in the moment to dissuade our dog from barking such as giving a stern 'No' at an intensity that draws our dog's attention, creating a pulsing pressure on the leash that brings their focus back to us or giving them something else to focus on, like walking back and forth, in a circle or in a figure 8 until they settle down, I think it’s vital to look at the cause of the barking to be able to address the problem at the source and solve it instead of only managing it in the moment it occurs.

If a dog is under-socialized and doesn't know how to act around other dogs, it's our obligation as owners to socialize them. This can be done at a competent daycare, but should be begun slowly and early in their life (see our Dog Dating article for more tips).

If your dog is over excited, look at all the places in your life where you reward an excited mindset. Do you pet your dog when they are in a stimulated state or every time they solicit attention? Do you leash a dog that is barking, spinning in circles or jumping on you? Do you leave the house after your dog dragged you down the hallway? Do you feed a dog that is shoving his nose in the bowl before it can reach the ground? Do you let a dog out of the door that gets in front of you and pushes his nose into the crack the moment it opens? Does your dog leap out of the car the second the door is wide enough? Can your dog get off and stay off of furniture when asked? If you 'reward' these impulsive driven behaviors by giving the dog the thing they want of course you will get more of the same and in moments you don't want it. As trainers, we take the natural rewards of life and use them as moments to practice being calm and patient to encourage that mindset. The more a dog is asked to go from an excited state to a calm one, the more accessible and normal that calm state will be.

Finally, if your dog is reactive or feels he needs to protect you, it's important to look at how your dog perceives you and your relationship. When dogs greet each other for the first time, they immediately begin to feel each other out so they know where they fall in the social system. Often one dog will do something rude and see if the other dog submits to it, tolerates it or doesn't allow it. This gives response gives them feedback about their relationship and what they can and can't get away with when it comes to interacting with that dog. Sometimes dogs need to have this conversation over and over depending on the combination of personality types.

Back to us humans. Many behaviors that we think are cute, sweet or loving are actually, unfortunately quite rude in dog culture. They amount to a dog 'feeling us out' and seeing what they can get away with. By allowing these behaviors, or rewarding them, we show our dog that we are a sucker and they can walk all over us - often literally. When a dog sees us as a bit of a push over and feels they are 'above us' there is a downside. In their culture, being ‘above’ someone means they are responsible for them. If they are responsible for us and a potential threat, like another dog, is approaching, well, the best defense is a good offense. From here we get barking, growling, lunging, the raising of hackles and other antisocial behaviors from dogs that aren’t truly aggressive, just confused.

Luckily, the cure for this unfortunate dynamic lies within our power. If we can learn dog language and culture and shift how we respond to certain behaviors we can change how our dog sees us and the world. This will improve their lives in so many ways. While they may enjoy it, they don't 'need' unlimited love, instant gratification, affection from strangers or a lack of boundaries at home. What they most need is a sense of safety: to know that someone has their back and will advocate for them and to feel that they have a competent leader they trust to receive direction from. They don’t need an overly permissive parent to enjoy life, they need a good boss.

When I shifted my relationship with my dog from an indulgent one to a more structured one the transformation I saw in her was nothing short of miraculous. Our relationship became more subtle. There was room for her personality to come out. Her interactions with other dogs, which at the point I applied this training intervention were devastating and dangerous, became calm and confident. Honestly, remembering and writing that makes me tear up. In shifting how I interacted with my dog to a style that was more focused on what was actually good for her and less about what I wanted to be good for her or what felt good to me was love in the most pure and selfless form. It changed her life and my life, too. I'm so grateful I get to share this information with others and help improve the lives of dogs and their owners around the world.

Dog Dating: How to Pick the Right Playmate

Let’s face it, socializing is harder than it’s ever been in every way. This means we have to be intentional about finding the right way to socialize our dogs.

As some of you know, dog trainers don’t love dog parks. If your only opportunity to socialize was a rave or a packed party where the guests are doing parkour off each other, I doubt most of you would be pumped to go out. I certainly wouldn’t! I’m more of a one on one quality time visit or casual walk in the park person, as many of our dogs are.

Unless your dog has reliable recall and is safe on hiking trails, in unfenced areas where dogs gather, or the unofficial neighborhood dog parks you may stumble on during one of your walks, that leaves greeting dogs on leash on walks, but that can be tricky, too! The leash can feel restrictive for a lot of dogs and, with so few dogs who are well versed in dog body language, the usual greeting I see, one that begins with stiff, statue like body language or dogs rushing towards each other,  isn’t the ideal way for dogs to begin a conversation and can lead to less than positive experiences. 

So, how do you socialize your puppy?

I have my clients with puppies go on dates. Dog dates! Finding the right playmate for your dog is a lot like dating. You need to set some parameters to narrow down the options, make your best selection and give a few a try before you find the right pal. In an ideal world this is a friend or someone in your neighborhood and also someone you can trade dog watching with when you go out of town so you don’t need to pay or send your dog to a boarding facility. 

Step 1) What are you looking for? You want to pick a puppy that is about the same size and around the same age or old enough to know manners but not so old they aren’t into puppy play time. Every dog is different, but up to 2 or 3yr old dogs are usually very playful and would enjoy a puppy.

Step 2) Find somewhere to post. This could be your neighborhood facebook group, Nextdoor.com, a sign in front of your house (why not?), or a shout out in a social network. Use your groups! Reach out to your community! Ideally find someone with a playful dog who lives within walking distance. The post can be something like:

“Our new puppy needs some dog time! Our pup, NAME, is a WEIGHT, AGE, BREED. He loves to ACTIVITY and seems to play LEVEL. We are doing some training and daily exercise and want to be sure they have time to be a dog and play. If you have a puppy or older dog who loves puppies we’d love to set up a date and see if it’s a match!”

-If you have a fenced yard and can host, mention that. Ideally someone has one, especially if your puppy isn’t fully vaccinated. You can also buy a long line and meet in an easement in your neighborhood or quiet park. I like to check out the satellite map and look for big areas of green nearby then go investigate. And I have found some magical greenbelts that way!

-It’s best to keep dog play out of the house where they have plenty of space and the host dog is less likely to be territorial of their bed, toys, bowls or where their food is kept. There is no reason to bring the dogs inside together or let them interact near the doorway.

Getting ready for your date

Don’t be nervous! Just like in dating, the point isn’t to be liked by everyone, it’s to find the right fit. Tell your dog to be themselves, but the best version of themselves. To help the dogs out in this goal suggest that you both go for a good long walk separately earlier in the day to take off the wild edge. If you tell the other owner you will be taking your dog on a walk before the dogs meet for this reason, hopefully they will pick up the hint and do the same, but I tend to be more direct and specifically request it. Blame me! “My trainer said….” This walk will burn the top layer of energy off so your dog can use their brain instead of being full of energy as well as overwhelmed by excitement at the chance to play. Remember - play dates are not a substitute for exercise! That is part of the reason dog parks are so problematic, people use them as a way to avoid taking walks.

Start with a walk

In fact we suggest that you then begin your date with a walk. Yes! Another walk! This is how we introduce dogs to set ourselves up for success. 

1. Don’t let the dogs greet right away, but walk in the same direction together at a 6’ or more distance. 

2. Begin with one dog on the sidewalk and the other in the street. Have the handlers hold the dogs on the outside, far apart with the humans near each other.

3. Even though the dogs will be excited, keep walking forward until they calm down. 

4. You can reward calmer energy with a greeting. 

Not saying hello right away gives the dogs a chance to get used to each other before they greet, taking some pressure off that initial sniff. When we want to be sure that dogs get along, this is the way we introduce them. Think of it as a best practice.

1. Let the dogs greet on a loose leash (no holding pressure while they say hello!) and do a quick sniff sniff, getting back to walking before play or a power dynamic can begin. If one dog is more interested and the other starts to feel overwhelmed that isn’t ideal. We also don’t want the puppies to launch into play on leash. 

2. Did you know that in dog culture it’s polite to sniff for no more than 3 seconds then dip your head away, giving the other dog a chance to disengage or re-engage in the interaction? No? Most dogs don’t either! We touch the leash every three seconds, applying pressure until our dog dips their nose away, then we release the pressure and let the interaction continue.

3. On the walk back to the house the dogs can be on the inside and the humans can walk a bit closer with COVID safety in mind. If your pup isn’t fully vaccinated you can mimic this walk process in the front or back yard. 

4. What we really really try to avoid is greeting in doorways. That can lead to trouble, especially if the dog whose home it is feels at all protective over the space and unsure about the excited newcomer. 

5. Either in the yard or on the street, keep the dogs on leash and keep them moving, giving them something to focus on other than each other. 

Greeting this way is life changing! The dogs won’t always want to play with each other, or even get along, but you will know you did what you could to set yourself up for success every time. It is even a good way to begin future playdates, not just the first greeting. Since other owners won’t know this super pro tip, it will be up to you to take charge and lead the way. Just say your trainer told you to ;)

Curious how to guide a dog to positive play?

Check out this video of puppies getting one of their first socialization dates to see how I manage them.

Be sure to “like” and subscribe to my YouTube channel for more free dog training videos!

Socialization isn’t all about play

Socialization isn’t all about play anymore than dating is all about being physically intimate. It’s important that puppies learn to be around other dogs in many ways - interacting directly or co-playing side by side, dogs who love other dogs and dogs who don’t. Sometimes this means not playing and respecting another dog’s boundaries, but that can be just as hard as not texting someone new who you are really excited about. 

A lot of people ‘leave it to the dogs’ to teach each other, but this unfortunately doesn’t work as well as we’d like it to. The same way many people struggle to be direct and assertive, especially when they are being bullied or overwhelmed, many dogs don’t have the personality or social know how to say “Hell No” when it’s needed, and that is where we as responsible owners step in. This takes us being present, reading our dogs behavior, body language and energy as well as having the courage to risk being seen as impolite when we quietly intervene. Those are some big challenges right there! 

If one dog is shy or nervous, take the pressure off the interaction by playing with the other dog or having each owner play with their own dog near each other. I like to keep a nervous dog on leash because the leash gives me some control. It also gives my dog a confidence boost since we are connected and they know that means I’m in charge. This responsibility means that I will have to step in and help my nervous pup tell another dog to back off if that is necessary. A good rule of thumb is to have both dogs on leash and go for a walk or hang out, letting the nervous pup initiate a sniff when they are ready.

But it also is!

We want the dogs to play with each other to get social skills and to be a dog. The fact that play is a great outlet for energy is a bonus. Don’t forget that this is the order of importance! When we hold this perspective, it’s easier to keep things calm, take breaks and end the playdate before anything has a chance to go sideways.

What is polite play? We had a pack of up to 14 dogs go on off leash hikes with us every weekday and we learned a lot about what kind of behavior in play was prosocial and what led to trouble. You know the stereotype of telling kids “you better calm down before someone loses an eye?” What they are commenting on is that when kids get to playing too rough for too long, they go out of control and are at risk of getting hurt. The same is true for dogs.

Our rules:

1. Good play involves taking breaks. Dogs who play nicely have the energy of ‘romp, romp, pause. Romp, romp, pause’ instead of ‘runrunrunrurnrunrunrunrunrun.’ 

2. At first, the dogs may need to try some things and figure out where they fall. This could involve being a little rude to see what they will get away with. Dogs test their boundaries reliably and early. It’s important to allow a little bit of this, but not let it get out of hand

3. Displacement Behaviors mean “I need a break, or I am not interested”

1. Yawning

2. “Whale eye” looking out of the corner of their eye, instead of directly at the other dog.

3. Sniffing or getting a drink of water

4. Scratching, gator roll itching

5. Lip licking, their own or the mouth of the other dog

6. Shaking off

7. Uro-genital checks

8. Sit down

9. Hackles up (doesn’t always mean danger)

 Warning signals mean “I’m done” 

1. Freeze, this can include an upright stiffly wagging tail

2. Lip curl

3. Growl

4. Tuck tail and run

5. Hide

6. Hypersalivation

7. More than one correction between dogs (do not scold the dog giving the correction, call the dog receiving the correction away)

8. Hackles up (sometimes it does)

9. Our no-no’s are:

   1. Body checking - where one dog crashes into another like a football tackle

   2. Humping

   3. Pawing at or putting paws on another dog

   4. Mouth on another dog, especially the neck (parallel mouths okay, perpendicular mouths not allowed). 

   5. Herding or nipping at heels

   6. Putting a neck over another dog’s back, standing over another dog (a dog’s airspace is part of their body! Harley doesn’t like a dog standing over her)

   7. Pinning a dog in a corner, or under something

   8. Running wild, while beautiful, often precedes poor decisions

   9. If a game of chase ensues it should be interrupted after 2 revolutions

10. The longer dogs play, the more intense it gets. Step in to encourage breaks if the dogs don’t take them naturally

Bullying

Does it look like one dog is on the offensive and the other dog is on the defensive? I like to check in and see if the quieter dog is interested in play or if they are just doing their best to fend off a play attack by grabbing the collar of the more exuberant dog and seeing what the other one does. Do they take the opportunity to move away or do they come back and re-engage? 

Treats, bones, food and other resources

When I take Harley to a friend’s house, I always ask if they free feed their dog. Whether food is in the bowl or not, Harley will immediately follow her nose and trot over to where the other dog (or cat!) gets fed to try her luck. It is natural for a dog to feel protective over their food, so I try to control Harley, asking her to come away from that area, and I watch the other dog’s body language and energy. Definitely pick up a bowl with food in it, and maybe pick up an empty bowl if the dog looks uncomfortable. Also, shoo them out of the kitchen to prevent an issue. Safe practices around resources is our responsibility to manage, not a dog’s responsibility to figure out.

Dogs can be possessive over high value toys, especially raw hides, horns, chews, bully sticks. Harley will immediately go over to the bully stick she has turned her nose up at for months when another dog comes over, not wanting them to have it. It is good practice to pick up any toys or bones when a new dog is coming over or dogs are not being monitored. 

Sometimes I will give dogs a bully stick or marrow bone as a treat or a way to coplay that doesn’t involve interacting with each other. A good rule of thumb is to have one more toy on the ground than there are dogs. Ain’t it just the way it goes that another dog’s bone looks better than yours? We’ve all been there. Expect the dogs to rotate bones and tempt each other off one toy using another. Be ready to step in and say ‘eh-eh’ to a dog that is standing near another dog chewing or redirect him back to his own bone or the spare that you have laying out because you took my sage advice on this matter.

Generally, the best practice is to not have food or bones around when new dogs are getting to know each other or when they are unattended. There is no need to add that level of stress to an interaction and I consider giving dogs a treat that takes more than one bite to eat advanced. In fact, even having treats on you can make your dog possessive over you and start guarding you from the other dog, introducing a dynamic you don’t want. Leave the treats in the cupboard - being outside and enjoying playtime is treat enough.

Resource Guarding

It isn’t just bones, dogs can get possessive over their bed, ‘their’ house, a toy they love, a toy they have never shown interest in, even you! Think of it like walking up and putting your hand on your partner’s shoulder when they have been chatting to an attractive person for a while. We’ve all done that or seen it done, probably unconsciously, and it is a way of indicating ownership. Some degree of guarding is understandable, but it’s up to you to be the ‘owner’ of all things and set boundaries with your dog over what they are allowed to be possessive over, which is ultimately only their personal space, and even that isn’t always true.

When I used to board dogs, Harley would follow a new dog around the house, warning them they better stay away from certain things or areas. Harley was not just being possessive, she was laying the groundwork for setting up their relationship dynamic and correcting their excited energy. I would correct her if she was crossing the line and I later adjusted my system to have a new dog on leash in the house until the dogs established a dynamic and until they could walk around calmly. 

My approach to resource guarding is that prevention is the best cure. Pick up anything your dog may guard before the other dog comes. Put away anything your dog is guarding. If that means you can’t play with balls during this playdate, that is okay. If your dog needs to be corrected, do it. Let your dog know they are out of line. This will build his trust in you and help reiterate that it’s no fun to act bigger than your britches. 

How to go on a great walk

Going on a walk is one of the most quintessential parts of dog ownership. Walks are usually a dog’s only source of good exercise and we at The Naked Dog prefer walking in a neighborhood or on a trail to running wild at a dog park. 

Walks expose dogs to the sights and smells of the world. Dog’s get to sniff around and check up on what is going on in the neighborhood since their last pass by that area. The yard can create a fishbowl effect, ramping dogs up even more and encouraging instinctive behaviors like squirrel chasing, alarm barking and fence fighting. A walk allows a dog to go on a journey and return home.

Walks are also amazing training opportunities! When owners call us with an issue, we always recommend more walks and exercise as part of the training solution. On a walk, a dog gets the opportunity to enjoy the world, but also has to be a good teammate by staying tuned into the handler and exercising patience when asked to, such as when walking out of the door, past another dog, or when they are asked to stand still during a poo clean up, or while chatting with a neighbor.

If we have not shown our dog what is expected from them on a walk, they will default to behavior that comes naturally to them. Not knowing how to guide a dog to be a wonderful walking companion, many people waterski behind a dog that is pulling, barking, dragging to smells or losing his mind with excitement when passing another dog. This behavior can be unpleasant for us and the result is that they get walked less. By becoming a good teacher to your dog and guiding them  towards the behavior you want and away from the behavior you don’t, you can make your walks enjoyable and use them as a learning experience.

WALK GUIDELINES 

Going for a walk should be your  idea: If your dog is soliciting a walk, wait until they are calm to initiate the walk routine.  This includes tasks such as putting on my shoes or getting the leash.

Don’t chase your dog: If they can’t sit calmly while you put on the leash,put the leash down and try again once they calm down. Take a deep breath and wait. Once your dog sees that jumping around isn’t working, they will get their brain in gear and try something else, like sitting or standing still. Then that behavior can be rewarded by the leash moving closer. The patience will pay off and your dog will realize being calm is the way to get out of the door. 

The Mendota Slip leash:  The leash we recommend must be positioned properly. The leash should be as high as possible on your dog’s neck, right behind the ears and right behind the back of the jaw. Pull down any extra neck skin or long hair to make sure the leash is flush on the neck. Tighten the leather stopper so only one finger can fit into the loop to ensure the leash doesn’t have room to slip down.

Leash Technique: Because the leash is positioned on a sensitive part of the neck, be diligent to not hold steady pressure. Default to having slack in the leash so it looks like a letter J or a sloppy S. If the leash is straight, apply ‘pulse pressure’ on it until your dog moves closer or stops pulling on the leash. This does two things, it makes it uncomfortable for your dog to pull, and it engages their brain making it easier to hold their attention. 

• Touches on the leash should always be used in conjunction with your voice, body language, movement, sounds, and your body position. The leash is one tool in our toolbox and should be part of a bigger conversation.

The moment the leash goes on, the walk begins! You should walk calmly to the door without your dog pulling you. It’s okay to walk back and forth a few times in the hallway to get it right. You are setting the tone for the walk and every step, even inside, counts towards your total distance.

• A dog who pulls to the door won’t be able to get there since pulling will be met with a leash correction or change of direction. After a few tries, your dog will become mentally engaged, changing the tone of your walk before it begins!

Set a boundary at the door: Position your dog so you are between them and the door, say ‘wait,’ once, and then open the door. I can ‘pulse’ with the leash, but not hold, otherwise you are doing your dog’s work for them. Wait  in front of an open door until your  dog relaxes. When you do step out,ask your dog to wait again near the doormat. You want to be able to close and lock the door without being pulled on and you want to make sure your dog does not lose focus and mentally start the walk without you.

Project Leadership: From the beginning of the walk. Have a vision of the route you want to take, how you  want your dog to behave. Exude a calm, confident energy, walking with a sense of purpose and direction instead of wandering aimlessly or letting your dog guide you. Picking visual points to walk to will help you stay on target and give you confidence that your dog will feed off of. 

• The great thing about having plans is that they can always change! Adjust as you go as your circumstances change.

Stay Present: Remain attentive and continuously scan the environment for possible distractions. This has the benefit of giving you a chance to see a potential distraction before or at the same time that your dog does.

• Inwardly, you want to remain very aware of my dog, watching your dog in your peripheral vision and feeling your dog through the leash. Outwardly, you want your dog to be glancing up to you and witnessing you observing the environment.

Enforce the ‘Heel’ command: Ask your dog to stay within one foot of your knee or ankle, ideally keeping their nose or ear in line with your leg. It’s very important to give your dog the job of staying in a heel,showing them where you want them. You can do this by applying pressure if they go out of the heel zone.

•  If your dog pulls on the leash, swing your foot out to block them in front or ‘touch’ their rump in back. 

• Do the lightest leash correction you think will get a response, or use ‘weird walking’ techniques (changing direction, walking in circles, going backwards, changing pace, stopping and starting).

Dealing with Distractions: If you see a distraction (dog, bike, jogger, child) coming or sense your dog is getting distracted or activated, I do a light ‘pulsing’ correction, taking the slack out of the leash or using a ‘bouncing’ pressure to bring their attention back to you. The earlier you can catch a distraction, the lighter touch you can use. This tells your dog ‘I see that too and it isn’t a problem’ so you can walk on.

If your dog starts being reactive: Stay calm and continue walking, applying a variety of corrections to see what combination of cues at what pressure will yield a result. These include sounds or commands, touching the leash, foot taps, my voice, body language, movements, and energy. If you were to stop walking, your dog would have time to focus on what is distracting them and therefore become more reactive. 

• This is counterintuitive so you will need to retrain yourself to always keep moving if something starts to go wrong.

Greeting Others: This only happens if your dog is willing or able to calmly walk past. Early in the leash training process, if your dog is able to walk by calmly, you may want to wait until you completely pass  the other dog and then loop back, or ask the other owner to wait. 

• If your dog can stay calm on the approach and both dogs (and owners) look willing to allow a greeting, approach the other dog only if your dog can do so calmly and without pulling. Read our article on reading and greeting another dog for more on this.

Stopping to Smell: Our dogs have amazing noses! They do not need to drag their nose as they walk or dive-bomb a smell to get a good whiff. If your dog drags you towards a smell, do not reward this behavior by stopping. You want your dog to sniff and enjoy the world, but at a time that is good for both of you and when they have politely indicated they’d like to. This is possible! I know it can be hard to believe.

• Throughout the walk, note when your dog seems like he wants to pull over. First ask them to continue walking nicely, then offer them a spot to ‘sniff sniff’ or ‘go potty’. You want your dog to enjoy nature and the world outside my house, but make sure your dog is not dragging you during the sniff time, and instead you can walk together nicely to find a spot of interest.  If he doesn’t seem interested in sniffing, we pick up the leash, go back into a heel, and walk on.

Back to the house: The same as leaving the house, your dog should be calm before you let them off leash. Ask your dog to sit and wait at the door and allow you to remove the leash before you release them and the walk ends. Getting back home can be exciting, too! 

Walking in this way gives your dog the job of staying tuned into you and in a heel, even with distractions. This calm, slow, mindful kind of walk will be more tiring than a fast, impulsive, distracted one because it provides mental exercise in addition to the physical - just like how a long day at work with little movement can be exhausting. It also reinforces a calm, respectful mindset and creates opportunities to practice impulse inhibition. It isn’t about preventing your dog from enjoying what the world outside the house has to offer as much as being sure that we are practicing good manners and reinforcing a calm, obedient mindset instead of an impulse driven one.

Happy trails and get your dogs out there! Any dog can walk nicely, we swear, but part of the trick is instilling good manners at home.

A few of our favorite things

The Naked Dog, as the name implies, likes to keep life with dogs down to the bare minimum. We like to use our body and relationship as our main training tools. We do, however, have a few products we really love.

Our favorite tool

The Mendota Slip Lead in 3/8”x 4’

Buy Now

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

We love the Mendota slip lead so much, we started giving it to every client who signs up for our training series. 

This leash slips over your dog’s head and can be positioned just where a leash needs to be- at the tippy top of the neck behind your dog’s ears and jaw. For us, the leash isn’t a way of controlling your dog. It’s a communication tool. When the leash is positioned on the sensitive part of the neck, it reminds your dog when they walk they are ‘on the job’ and allows you to ‘talk’ to them with a subtle movement. 

Our goal is to have no pressure on the leash from you or from your dog, so you walk together in a way that reinforces the calm, mental engagement we want from our dogs. 

This leash is easy to get off and on as you are reinforcing good behavior or reacting to changes in the environment. 

It’s great for use in the house if you have a dog who gets nervous around company or is an overzealous greeter. It’s the perfect length to wear over your neck or slung across your shoulder while you hike. I never leave home without one! 

Many of our clients have called this leash a game changer when it comes to leash reactivity or teaching a dog the skill of loose leash walking - something every dog should learn to make walks more enjoyable for everyone! 

Throw away your harness and grab yourself a slip lead today so you can see for yourself what all the fuss is about!

Made for pets

The best electronic collar on the market

Buy Now

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Electronic collars get a bad rap. To be honest, before I had a client insist on buying one, I didn’t want to use them. The truth is that electronic collars allow me to speak to my dog in a language they intuitively understand. If I was a bigger, stronger, faster dog, I would ‘nip’ my dog on the neck when they were getting too excited or ignoring me. Since I’m not fast or agile enough to catch my dog in a full play gallop, the Mini Educator allows us to touch our dogs without catching them. 

We don’t use collars on every dog and it isn’t the first place we go when beginning training, but it gives us a sense of security when teaching a dog to be safe off-leash. We spend a few days acclimating each dog to the collar and teaching them to associate the stimulation with our voice.

When the dog learns that I am ‘home base’ and the right answer is to come back to me if they get ‘tagged,’ they are ready to start learning to be safe off leash. They have learned to respect the boundaries I set, which are in place for safety as well as convenience. 

We love this brand because it is designed for pets, not hunting dogs, and the range allows for it to work for every dog, from the most sensitive to the thickest skinned.

For the working dog

Who wants to carry his own weight

Buy Now

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

The Outward Hound pack occasionally makes an appearance in our hiking group for dogs who need a little extra. This pack is great for giving a strong, active dog additional exercise so they get more bang for the buck on each mile of the hike. We fill it with water bottles on hot days or soup cans when it’s all about weight. You better believe we are tough on these packs - they go swimming, run through the bushes, get rolled on in nature and survive plenty of full body shakes. The straps can be adjusted to a variety of dogs, which we love in case we switch it out mid-hike. If you want to try a pack for your high energy pup, we recommend starting very light and building up weight slowly. Working dogs love the responsibility and we love the added oomph it offers on the way to tiring out some of our super active hikers.

Stinky Collar?

Dublin Dog to the rescue!

Buy Now

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

If your dog loves hiking and the swimming, rolling and playing that go along with it, you know the pain of a stinky collar. We are sticklers for safety, so we ask all our pups to wear collars with id tags. Washing collars seems to be one of those chores that is almost impossible to get to, but if you have to grab your dog’s collar, you will quickly regret putting it off. We love the Dublin Dog because they come in fun colors, they don’t get wet and hold moisture against your dog’s neck after a swim, and, mostly, because they never stink! A necessary accessory for any adventurous dog.

For those who need help coming back

A longline

Buy now

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Here at The Naked Dog, we refer to off leash work as the graduate school of dog training. Off leash recall is built over time on a foundation of focus, boundaries, a cooperative attitude, and a calm, willing mindset that can be influenced in any situation, even with the most attractive distractions. We use a 30' long line as we build a dog’s off leash skills. The long line gives a dog the feeling of being free, while giving us the control we need to reel them in when we say come or keep them safe in unfenced environments. The long line helps us set a dog up for success on the trails or at the park and we love this training tool.

dog….Dog…DOG!

In sessions I see a lot of owners saying their dog’s name in the place of giving a command. Heck, I even do it sometimes. I always compare this to trying to ask your friend or partner or client to do something by only saying their name. If I was trying to give a client coaching on loose leash walking and said, let’s say, “Jane” in a soft, friendly sing-songy voice, I may get a glance from her, but it would probably be accompanied by a raised eyebrow as she thought to herself ‘what is going on? Does she want my attention?’ Saying a name with no other words usually serves just that purpose, to get someone’s attention. 

Now let’s say she glanced at me, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I was trying to get her to slow her pace or to give her dog a cue with the leash or stop staring at her dog as she walked. I didn’t get what I wanted, so I say louder, “Jane!” And she responds with a more frustrated glance that says “what?” Clearly she is doing something I don’t want her to do, or not doing something I do want her to do, but she has no way of knowing what. I’m not giving her any instruction, I am only saying her name. 

By now she must be annoyed. She knows something is going wrong, but doesn’t know what it is or how to fix it. I’m frustrated too, because I’m not getting the desired result, so I bark out “JANE!” and storm towards her, throwing my hands in the air because I don’t understand why things are going so badly. 

Well, in this situation I would clearly be a poor communicator. If Jane had been working with me a long time and I had told her 100 times, “hey, stop staring at your dog as you walk” then I warned her that I couldn’t keep telling her the same thing over and over, when I said her name, she would probably know that I had caught her doing the thing she knew that she wasn’t supposed to be doing, she may think to herself, “crap, I was staring at my dog again!” and correct the error without my having to explain what my admonition was in reference to. I knew that she would know because we had already established that in many previous conversations.

Sometimes, you can use your dog’s name as a correction. Especially if you have more than one dog (or children)dog, the word “no” or an ‘eh-eh’ sound could apply to anyone. In this case, use your gaze, your attention and your body language to indicate wh0 your voice is being directed at. 

If your dog is consistently unreliable responding to commands, plays too rough, lags behind, wanders off or gets too far away, when caught in the act you can sharply and loudly say their name, and, realizing the jig is up, they will usually snap back into gear. When they know the behavior you want,when you call them out, they have the ability to immediately comply. 

If you say your dog’s name and they don’t connect the dots on what is going wrong, say their name again and add the command.  If that still doesn’t work, you will know that either this task has not been truly established with your dog or your dog is having a moment where they got so excited they temporarily lost their mind - or at least the part of it that is inclined being obedient.You will then approach your dog to guide them, correct them, or otherwise achieve the behavior you were looking for.

What is important that you establish what you want in each instance through training. Take your time, lay the groundwork, show your dog  right from wrong multiple times and reinforce the behaviors you want while preventing, correcting or disincentivizing those you don’t want. While teaching your dog what behavior or mentality you are looking for, it’s important that you interrupt the behavior you don’t want, you can sometimes do this by calling your dog’s name. That interruption must be quickly followed with showing your dog what you DO want. 

If your dog is playing too rough, say ‘easy’ and if they don't take it down a few notches, call them back to you or step in and interrupt their play to ask them to sit and collect themself or take a break on leash for a while.  If your dog is lagging behind, say their  name to get their attention and if they don’t automatically respond by catching up , ask them to ‘come come’ or keep moving saying ‘let’s go’ or tell them to get off the smell with a ‘leave it.’ If those don’t work, start walking back towards them, repeating the command or making sounds (Shhh Shhh, Hey, or a clap) to get their attention and let them know  you’re a comin’ for ‘em. Usually once you start making our way towards your dog they know the best option is to leave the smell and come along.

In summary, using your dog’s name is a good way to get their attention and can sometimes take the place of a command. However, if your dog doesn’t seem to understand what you want from them, it’s your job to tune into that and change your approach after the second time you use their name and don’t get the response you wanted. If you do get the response you were looking for, be sure to relax your manner and reward your dog with cooing sounds and a pet.

How to pick command words: a vocabulary lessons for dogs

I knew my English degree would come in handy someday! While much of my relationship with dogs involves learning to ‘speak dog’ by reading their body language and knowing how to interpret their behavior, part of living in a human world means that our dogs need to learn some human language, too.

In our training sessions we talk about how to give commands and recommend that owners pick a vocabulary for their dogs and stick with it. Our dogs are smart, and it is incredible that they can learn so many words, but it is too much to ask them to learn English. Expecting our dogs to understand secondary meanings for words is confusing and unnecessary. Each word should have only one meaning and we should use the same word for the same concept or behavior every time. This bit of deliberate effort on our part  can make a huge difference in our dog’s life, making it easier for them to comprehend what we are asking for and, therefore, to comply. For instance when I want my dog to lay down I say ‘down’ and when I want her to get down off the furniture, my guests legs, or the rock I asked her to jump on for a photo I say “off.”

You don’t need to use my exact list. The most important thing is that you pick a language that works for you so it is one you can use consistently. It is also helpful to associate as many of these commands as possible with a clear hand signal. Some dogs respond better to words while others prefer the visual cue (provided your dog is looking at you, of course!)

LIST OF COMMON COMMANDS

Sit -  get your booty on the ground  

Down - lay all the way down on your belly, ideally with hips flopped

Off - get your paws (or body) off furniture, people, dogs, or whatever they are on 

Up up - jump or put your feet up on that

Kisses - lick the hand, useful for puppies who are mouthy  

Paw/shake - raise your paw  

Beg/sit pretty - balance on hind legs 

Roll over - from laying down, roll to the other side  

Crawl - wiggle/army crawl to me keeping your belly on the ground

Leave it/Take it - don’t go for it (usually the treat)/ take the treat

Gentle- take the treat more gently

Hold it- hold the object I am handing you in your mouth

Find it- sniff the ground. This can be used for enrichment training games (hide and seek, the cup game, scent games etc) as well as for a dog that is overly excited by others on leash. (if they are sniffing the ground they aren’t reacting to the dog)

Touch - touch your nose to my hand 

Load Up- get into a vehicle
—

Good (command)! - marks a positive behavior or correct response to command 

Look at Me-  Give me eye contact/put all of your attention on me. (this is usually when they are already sitting, or in a down but still highly distracted) 

Hey! - breaks a distraction to get their attention back, also used as a correction if they have ignored a command 

No! - stop doing what you are doing  

Bad! - I don't want you to do that behavior. Don't do it now or again in the future.  

Easy - (sing-songy) pay attention and slow down and bring your energy down 

Settle - especially for a puppy, calm yourself  

Out - get out of here or don't be where you are or stop doing what you are doing 

Back - back up or get out of my space 

Move - move your body out of my path

Leave it - drop what you are chewing or leave that object, dog, or person alone 

Drop - drop what is in your mouth, usually so I can throw it 

—

Wait - pause and wait for a release or further instructions, pay attention to me (eg doorways)

Stay - you stay stationary while I walk away (not the same as wait) 

Okay/free - release, you can change positions or do what you want again   

Let's go - we walk off together  

Come! - I am stationary, you come to me 

All the way - come all the way back to me and touch me 

This way - you are going the wrong way, change course & pay attention to me 

Heel up - walk to my side 

On the trail - get back on the trail 

Leash - hold still so the leash can be put on 

Fix your leash - hop one foot so the leash comes out from between your legs 

Pick up - for puppies or small dogs, hold still and brace yourself so I can pick you up 

—

Outside - let's go to the door, usually to potty 

Wanna go potty? - Do you need to pee? 

Potty, potty? - I strongly suggest you pee if possible 

When we ask the dogs to pose for pictures, we use many commands including come, sit, up, wait, down, this way, stay, off and leave it. This photos not only look great, but are a great excuse to practice obedience, patience and focus.

The short goodbye... Proper etiquette for leaving your dog

When people drop their dogs off at my house for boarding, I notice that the owner's behavior can unintentionally cause stress instead of confidence in their dogs. We love our dogs so much, but sometimes when we express that love in a human way it can actually stress out our poor pups. While goodbyes are good etiquette when it comes to human manners,  dogs don't naturally share that cultural norm.

As a new client, who has never left their dog before, you may arrive nervous,or even as a seasoned client  you know you will miss your pup, so you may draw out the goodbye, pulling your dog's attention back to you when really the dog is interested (as they should be) in being in a new place and smelling new smells.

Your nervous, unsure, emotional energy gets transmitted to your dog. Instead of being excited to be somewhere new, they take a cue from you that the situation is distressing and therefore they feel more distress than necessary.  Your dog may even start to worry about you!

In general, I find quick, unemotional hand offs are best. If you  have calm, confident energy, you passively transmit the message to your dog that everything is fine and therefore they feel good about what's happening. 

Parting with your dog is always tough. Once I see my dog is happy and content without me,usually after receiving the first photo of my dog, I can relax.. Do your dog (and your boarder!) a favor and try to have a smooth hand off when you drop your dog for boarding. 

If it ain't workin', stop doing it!

I get calls from a lot of owners who are struggling in some area of their life with their dog.

"I keep going to the dog park and my dog is having problems"

"I keep letting my dog off leash and they don't listen"

"I keep having people over and my dog always jumps on them"

I feel like a big part of my job is saying things that people respond to with "oh, that seems so obvious now that you've said it." Here is my gift to you: if it isn't working, stop doing it. 

If I keep having a problem it's a sign that I have over-faced my dog and I need to step back, regroup and re-approach. It's not enough to stop doing the thing (which you should, for now, if you keep getting the same bad result). In order to change the outcome, you need to address the underlying causes outside of the high intensity situation.

That's where a good trainer comes in! While you are researching trainers or waiting for your appointment, stop doing the troublesome activity or avoid the tough situation. I love to advise my clients on what changes they can make in their behavior and the way they relate to their dog that will have exponential effects on the way that their dog views the world and conducts themselves in it. 

For now, if it ain't working, it’s best to take a break (and get a trainer on the phone!).